Friday Night Vampires

They descend from the sunset
casting seductive silhouettes
and opiate smells.
Stressed out in the caves
they've been craving this flight.
They'd die to be alive again.
I'm the chosen feast this friday night.
The first draw from the willing puppet...
Fangs of queries laced with chemicals to dilate,                                 
puncture me at a thousand places,
tear open the veins & out gush the juices.
The multiple jabs, the repeated pain.
It thrills me to see
my glowing blood in their veins.
Attached to their suckers,
the drained body is raised high.
An used object ecstatic out of abuse,
screaming out in a secretive sigh.
The flash of the whip
of their sadistic master - Time
releases me as they scoot away.
Its now their turn to be the victim.
But, instantly I tumble...
Its not a flight coz I can't descend.
The night is still dark.
The floor isnt there until I see it.

And hence I look forward to a weekEnd to share with Jim after a long time.

The Moths

A white flurry of moths battering themselves against the floodlight. My mind is ringed by white circles of thought, like the moths, streaking and curving around the light. Every flight comes to an abrupt halt against the white burning barrier of injustice. At least they are foolish not to realise it. What is it that they cannot resist? Do they seek a promise - of warmth, of incredible beauty, of a happiness beyond the invisible, blinding boundaries?

I wonder how often I am like them, fatuous and suicidal? I struggle to pass up the temptations that life puts forth. I cant resist the enticement of pleasure which has so often been denied. I cant escape all these things that hurt. Throughout the Night I smack the glass, desperatly trying to get closer to that glory, that pride, that bliss. The Darkness walls my vision and I see myself from a surreal, privileged point of view. I imagine floating above it all as if to escape the bounds of life's trivialities.

Why does the evident self-immolation appear as an accomplishment to me? Why do I fancy this manner of seeking recongnition? The glory is only for me, short lived - just like me. Death does not appear dark. Its an alluring halo of light waiting for my embrace, to which I want to fly. But, unlike them death is denied to me and penitence takes over.

In the morning there is no glory, only dry husks and charred wings - an ashy residue of thoughts.

Childhood's End

One moment, one hurt and I decide
to brush all the good ones aside.
6 pellets go inside,
into a slumber I slide.
In death I will hide
nothing to hurt my pride.                                                                  

She was angry. She was hurt. No one will know the cause now. But what she did in response was surely not what she intended. I can only try and imagine how it must feel to see the death you have chosen, coming slowly and you not being able to undo your choice. Her last moment cries for help and the pleas to save her, sliced the hearts of those who knew nothing could be done now. All the pain you are leaving your close, needy ones in... All the broken trust of those who could have helped you... All your talent at living life, dying with you... Do these make you want to die faster? Do you wish for another childhood like this one, which you did not really want to end?

R.I.P. Himan.





The other sudden & big loss last week... Sir Arthur C. Clarke, my hero and the author of "Childhood's End" amongst many other books that I have grown up with.

R.I.P. ACC... Replacement Impossible.

Linger

The black night still passes
though not as fluid as the motion
the taste is in the veins
though the wine stains the cushion
the heart still pounds
though the candle's snuffed out
the tear still rolls
though the sweat has dried out
the mind is still consumed
though the hunger has changed
the scent of secrets still lingers
though we live estranged                                                                  

Bitter-sweet, Averagely good etc. are the words I use to describe the year that is ending. But the lingering memories have matured me a lot. And so have my deeper, more caring interactions with the people in my life. I wish for them and the memories to linger for long.

The New Pinup-Girl

She's the One! Was born to be the One! ...Always will be... till the next one comes along...!

Oh its not the beauty in the picture that I am talking about [see end]. This is about something much hotter...

Global Warming! The Science-praising/bashing, controversy-raising, Nobel-winning, issue of the decade.

An award-winning film is out - "The Inconvenient Truth". An Indian scientist gets a shared Nobel prize. And Global warming is suddenly in the limelight. But its not Gore's or Pachauri's fame that perturbs me. It is the way one or the other issue is always hyped out of proportions and is then left hanging without a conclusion as another more exciting threat to the the world is afoot! Just like a hot new starlet, there are more films to be made on that subject that will sell so much more if it is hyped.

Let me draw your attention to a few issues I have seen while growing up. These are all issues that are very important still & need to be given attention on an equal priority

Cancer - As a really small kid, there was always the talk of cancer. Mostly the one due to smoking and use of tobacco. I made my dad give up tobacco. But have seen many others fall to throat cancer from their addictions. There are ofcourse other cancers which too are still without cure and taking their toll. But tobacco induced cancer is something that a person can spread. The number of commercials showing actual ill effects of smoking and those educating cures of cancer are gone off the media. Oh yes... there are some ads about breast cancer, & I do hope they reach and better the lives of those few that watch cable television.

Drugs - When I was in school, TV used to make me feel that every one of those young guys on the streets was a druggie! Now india seems to be totally cured of this disease... only because we do not have youngsters injecting their groins and sniffing hash in filthy nooks or besides rail tracks. The problem is gone... from where it could be in the public's eye. Drugs are still rampant behind closed doors or in villages where noone peeps. There still are unemployed (or temporarily employed in BPOs) youth falling into the well of drugs thinking they will get high!

Population - This is in my view the most serious issue that concerns the World today and always... Overuse of resources by an uncontrolled population of a dominant species. Almost all evil that we see happening around is due to this. It was high on the propaganda just a few years ago, but its mellowed now. People slowly realise that the more kids they have, the more troubles they will have in their life. And they have other sources of entertaiment than sex. But are we really cured? The average number of kids might still take some time to reduce to 3 per couple. The issue will also need more coverage on the media to be effective sooner. I ve heard that a "Condom" publicity campaign is on I hope it is not the stereotyped gaonwali-behenji-prescribes-Mala-D ad or another steamy Kamasutra ad.

Ozone Hole - First thing... Its Not a hole in the atmosphere on top of your head... and it does not happen only over polluting cities! Ozone layer depletion does NOT cause Global Warming! It is a totally different natural disaster.
The "Hole" was detected as a reduction in the ozone layer over the North and South Poles. This 30% reduction could in future spread to lower latitudes. The misconceived notion is that due to it you will soon get skin cancer while sunbathing or later even when going to school! No... SPF100 sunscreen is not the way to escape the ozone hole! The problem will arise from the krill in the oceans & life stock on land getting ill. If it affects plants then we are done for. This will cause famine and endanger the generations to come before you even feel the symptoms of cancer. The causes of course are related to human activities. We have already been tackling it by reduced use of ODS. But the ozone Hole isn't shrinking!!! It is still as serious a problem as Global warming and we will only see in a decade which we should be thinking more about.

OK...
I know it is impossible to be uninformed about all this. But its easy to be misinformed. Moreover, disillusioned by disappearance of the hot topic we might just assume that the danger has passed. Well dear fellows... it hasn't. Its only that WE get less news about it because WE want variety in our coffee-table discussions. Let us not treat Life like films and ask for a new pinup topic every year. Let us keep following, in our capacities, at least one of the problems that can really affect us.

Of course I am not to forget... Laetitia Casta has finally made it to The Swank Pad! She has always been and will be the best pinup girl for me :)

Ma, come see me

I failed to go see Ma even once this season.
I mean Ma Durga...


The pseudo-bengali that I am, Durga Puja is almost an integral part of my Life. Way back since the days of school vacations in the beginning of autumn, this respite from cruel teachers and boring homework was welcome. But not really for these reasons. It was more than just no-school!

It was a time of unbridled joy, a time of togetherness. Age, gender or status has never had any effect on the jubilant lot that are the Bengalis during the five days the images of Ma spend with us. Everyone is busy being happy to think of anything else. It's a time to stop and enjoy, time to change for the better, a time to welcome new things into your life. We kids would be out cycling all over town going to all corners to see the elaborately decorated Pandals and idols of the goddess. It was one time of the year when we could be on our own and free of the conventional parental bonds. It was also the only chance when we could meet outside the school premises, visit each others places and meet other families. We just felt so grown up being on our own for all these five days. There was of course that extra pocket money to eat all the yummy roadside stuff.

The evenings would bring in the autumn chill & the cardamom-like fragrance of the Chatim flowers. The sun setting on the fields lined by tall shoots of the white Kashful - the grass flowers - swaying in the wind, was a memorable sight. Freshened up after the siesta brought on by the day-long cycling, we'd step out all decked up in the new clothes for the season. The glow of distant pandal illumination lights and the filmy music floating in would remind us to gather near the Puja.

But it was impossible to contain any of us when the mesmerising Dhak begun. Our hearts would start resonating to their beat. The evening arati was accompanied by the playing of the dhak and the offering of Dhuno smoke to the goddess. Not a simple thing this. It's almost an art to do it right and we would even have competitions! With two dhunuchis in two hands the guys would enter the arena and be lost in a trance brought on by the rhythmic drums and bells. With flashing red eyes burning like the embers in their hands and devotion as profuse as the smoke they'd dance till they were in tears. Applauded by the awed crowd flanking them they'd then make way for the next performer. The priest would of course be carrying on chanting his mantras, waving hypnotically the huge set of lighted lamps in his hands, eyes fixed on the goddess' face. That is the most beautiful sight of the whole occasion.

The Mother's face... The round fair face that could be hidden perfectly only by a beetle-leaf. Shaped and painted with such elaborate care by the clay-stained idol-makers. The wavy hair framing it - a charateristic of the typical bengali mother. The eyes filled with enough motherly love to sum up that of all mothers, but also wide open to show a bit of chiding anger. The third eye almost open so as to drive fear into the hearts of the wrong-doing children of hers. The pert nose and mouth complete the perfection that one is drawn into admiring for long after one has finished praying to her for all ones wishes...

And this season, this lousy fellow broke the track record of 27 years and didn't go see her!!! The first day - Mahalaya - had been good with me listening to the Mahalaya radio recitals early in the day. But my cold and some other reasons kept me away from her. A curbed sense of smell has wrecked havoc on my enjoying this autumn. Weird how its all no fun without all those smells of night flowers, the dhoops & dhunos, the crackers, the delicious aromas etc. I didn't get that feel at all... A lousy/lazy mood over the weekend was also to blame. In spite of a 3 day holiday, I somehow ruined my leave on Friday, working, & was so cross about it that I wasted my Saturday in bed too! So no going out... Missed all of this year's Pujo...

Sunday was Bijoya Dashami... Its is the day she won the 10 day battle against Mahishasura. Its also a bit of a sad day as it is the day of her mythical departure to her husband's place, after telling us once again to conquer the Evils in our lives. The ladies gather around her in the mornign and bid her goodbye. They almost play a Holi with red shindoor signifying the good fortune of the families. I have never been to the Dashami celebrations as there is a totally different feel to it compared to the other days. Its too sad I guess to be missing her after these fun days together. So Sunday would have been spoilt too if I hadn't decided to conquer laziness. I had to go out and see Amit, who was in town.

I don't believe in miracles but that don't mean they don't come true...

A Little Love, Bryan Adams

But see her love... she came to see me! On Dashami... I rode out on SIN and on the way was the river. Just as I passed it I saw the sight that filled my eyes up. It was time for visarjan & all Ma Durgas had gathered there & I could meet them at least that small while! :) Oh I was so happy... Everything was there... The idols of the immortal goddess all crimson now, the dhak, dhuno, arati et al. The mortals too... guys in their elaborate panjabi kurtas, aunties in their red bordered saaris & the round faced bong chicks :) It was a mini pujo for me...!!! A chance miracle eh!? One that I am not going to forget...

I Promise Ma I wont give you the miss again... But do come see me if I ever fail.

Credits: Chikki - for the Pujo photo from London.
Rajesh Chakraborty - for his film Dhak, which perfectly complements what I wrote.

Riding the Blues

 

The wave took over me. I rise in an arch. I was slowly climbing every step smoothed out in a sine curve. My blue blossoms looked like fireworks at the peak of the crescendo. I can now see more clearly, but who cares for the view? when just being there at the vantage point was such a pleasure. I wasn't stopping to analyse, to think. There was no time. Time itself was coming riding the wavelenghts. The foreplay had ended and the crest was almost here.

Sitting in the Sun at a waterfront in Cochin, Kerala I wrote this about what a moment would mean for a short-lived water hyacinth weed.

In just the right mood, a weed can be a muse. The 'Marine Drive' in Cochin is a great place to make such moods. Its a walkway facing the backwaters. Take a stroll on the pavement lined by trees and one finds a lot of jetties alluring you to walk to their edge. One cloudy evening last June, I had caught one of the most breathtaking sunsets here. It was another day of realisation that I should enjoy such moments, rather than be sad craving to share them.

Today the hot noon autumn sun is no less pleasureable. I love this place to sit beneath a tree just near the jetty owned by the Taj residency. Try sitting there, watching the countless images of the sun on the countless crests of the countless bobbing waves. Now slowly turn your eyes to the land. The hyacinth breaks the monotony of the water with its green and blue, but itself becomes a monotony before your eyes can reach the shore. There is a hypnotic, erotic, timeless, vain, up and down all around you, that is so like Life.

The water hole

All the animals came to her every day...
She was friendly to everyone.
She gave them all her love.
She gave them a new life.
Her alluring fullness got them back everytime.
They were inspired by the mere presence of her in their thoughts.
They expected her to be that way everytime they needed her...
...every time they visited, just to leave her soon.

Today sitting besides the Pond I realised that, for ages, she has been splashing against the Rock on her side - the only constant thing in her life. Could it be that all SHE wanted was to be taken by it; to quench the thirst it never had...?

Part of a vivid dream, expressed here.

Water of India

Rivers are called the Lifelines of India. Unlike the lines on a human palm, they can actually decide the fate of the populace thriving around them. No wonder we have so many "Cradle of such-n-such" or "Sorrow of such-n-such". In fact they are given the respect of a Mother by all humans who know their worth. I am of course not talking about the [expletive applies here] that pollute them for their own greed.

Ok changing track... We all have heard of the fact that our bodies are more than 65% water! So, that is what I was thinking about during one of my train journeys, as my supply of water had finished! How was I to replenish that percentage loss which my throat was already indicating? Come what may, I never drink water from the train tap. At that moment our train crossed a huge river... and soon after stopped at a small station. Desperately I got down and gulped the refreshing cold water from the taps on the platform. Looking at my filled bottle while getting back to my seat, it occured to me that I was carrying with me a bit of the water that has flown down this river we had just crossed. And I have in me some molecules of the same water which are going to be a part of my cells. Who knows where this river, with all this H₂O came from, but it was in me and might just remain till the end.

I remember the magic shows of one of the most charismatic Indian magicians - P.C.Sorcar Jr. - that I'd been to as a kid. He had a trick called "Water of India". There was a magic tumbler which would periodically produce water inspite of him emptying it fully everytime! These samples of water were then named after the place he said they magically came from. He would then ask us which place we wanted to get water from at the next go! Years later, I can do that trick myself... I of course won't tell, as it would sadden the kids to know that they had not really seen the Waters of India.

Now, I have a chance at doing just that! I travel a lot and drink water at so many places. Of course I have had the water from various seas, lakes, ponds, canals, streams, wells, handpumps etc. But for me to remember them would be a mess. Rivers have this way of connecting You with others. They connect the lives of so many Indians. So I wish to make a constantly updated list of all the Rivers of India whose water I have accepted into my system. In fact, to make this list bigger I am also going to taste water at as many places as possible. This may not be a good idea, but so is drinking fizzy water from random plastic bottles. Die of Hepatitis or die of Cancer... But die knowing that You have at least tried to unite India in Yourself!

Should I make this alphabetical... or chronological? Lets see... I can list out the river waters that I had as I grew up in my country.

To begin with, I was born in Nagpur. I hope they gave me some water then! :) & it might have been from the river that my family-place Nagpur gets its name from...

     Nag
     Kanhan
     Wagh
     Wardha
     Wainganga
     Penganga
     Vidarbha

I have grown up on the banks of the Sorrow of Bengal...

     Damodar

The Ganga is of course the Identity of India. I have been fortunate enough to have its waters all along its route through the land from Gaumukh to Diamond harbour. My tryst with it began very early in my life. I had it in Kolkata where it is called...

     Hoogly. It is Bhagirati near its origin.

Here are some other rivers from around Bengal that I have as a part of me now.

     Bramhaputra
     Ajay
     Barakar
     Kangsabati
     Rupnarayan
     Subarnarekha
     Tista
     Mahanadi

These are rivers that touched me during my childhood trips North with my parents.

     Yamuna
     Alaknanda
     Mandakini
     Beas
     Ravi
     Sutlej
     Betwa
     Narmada
     Mahananda
     Son

We also have the Maharashtra rivers that have been nourishing me since I left home.

     Mula
     Mutha
     Pawana
     Pravara
     Bhima
     Ghod
     Godavari
     Indrayani
     Kham
     Koyna
     Shivna
     Ulhas

These I encountered when I was in Goa

     Candeper
     Zuari
     Mandovi
     Mapuca

The Great Southern rivers that I have tasted are the following.

     Gomati
     Krishna
     Kavery
     Tungabhadra
     Periyar


The smaller ones include

     Adyar
     Bharathappuzha
     Kuvam
     Gayatri
     Kalinadi
     Karamana
     Malprabha
     Netrawati
     Noyil


The number of southern rivers shows how less I have traveled the South of India. There will be more as I try my memory harder & look through Atlases and Wikimapia. But I'm also awaiting for more Water of India to flow via me into this list.


Count: 57
Updated: 30.August.2013

I couldn't resist...

The crimson sky was dripping
and I couldnt resist...
I took some colour and painted you

The earth extended to the horizon
and I couldnt resist...
I just decided to walk to the end with you

The moon rose with its mists
and I couldnt resist...
I added some mystery to you

The stars were burning like embers
and I couldnt resist...
I took your hand and warmed you

The dreamy night was hypnotising all
and I couldnt resist...
I lost some sleep with you                                                                

Resistance sometimes really is Futile :)