Silence of Thought

Drums...
What does the word remind you of?

Festivites, Rock music, Noise... depending on your present orientation of mind. For me its currently Music. I have joined the race to be in the league of John Bonham, Ian Paice, Keith Moon, John Densmore etc. For the uninitiated, that means I am learning drums!

Yesterday my 1-2-3-4 routine was bass-none-snare-bass [thats my own convention though. 'none' means no drum is played, only the hi-hat cymbals are hit]. It is tiring for the mind. Three [as yet] of my limbs are working separately doing their own do, at different frequencies, and together they have to create a beat. I have always been awed by the concepts of multitasking and time-sharing [and how I am so super at them], but this is a totally new level! The right hand keeps its own identity while the left hand & the right foot clamour to give it company. But like unruly kids, they need to be controlled. "Stay!" - I say to my foot. Its moving twice every beat. "...Stick it to the bass-drum and stay with the skin till I finish the next two beats". The left hand is the first to miss a beat. "Damn... I'll make up for it 3 beats later" I hear myself thinking "...4-1-2-" and I hit the snare on 3 but miss the foot on 4! But 1 comes on fine and I gradually settle in, oblivious to any attention I might be getting from the guitar-girls behind. I shift from counting numbers to the sound. My heart almost repeats the beats.

It hypnotises you. Maybe its not meant to be done after a hard day's work. The rhythmic beat draws you in. Slowly your eyes close. Your limbs keep doing their job, almost by themselves. And suddenly I wasn't thinking... For a definite while, I had no picture in front of my eyes, no words in my head. My world was not futile anymore. It almost wasn't there... A Silence of Thought had descended on me! Even the thought that I wasn't thinking, came after a blank... & it suddenly felt so unwelcome. I shivered in my sweat. It happened unconsciously and stayed for a while.

All that I have been craving for, for a while now, is riddance from thoughts. Anything that you do repeatedly for a week becomes a habit and I have been addicted to thoughts for quite some time now... Thoughts that contain people, expectations, which take a negative turn most of the time. I've been trying to put them away after I wake everyday. It seemed so impossible a task. I have even been half-heartedly trying, what people would term as meditation. But, either I fall asleep again, tired of the struggle, or I just give up and get to my ways of the day. My addiction has been keeping me from making new habits that could be harmful to its existence. I know... some self-discipline is missing. This is a boost to my efforts. Anyways, I now believe something like the following...

As long as you have a mind, you will have thoughts and emotions.
Meditation is bringing the mind back home, and this is first achieved through the practice of mindfulness, of bringing the scattered mind home, and so of bringing the different aspects of our being into focus.

Sogyal Rinpoche

No. I do not have any glimpses of "the world seen only by those who enter the silence beyond thought", to share with you. :) But, this is a good omen. Music is my meditation. Someday I might just be playing and not thinking about anything else while I beat the music out of the skins and metal with my sticks... and you know exactly where to read all about it!

PS: The song I'm trying to pick up is "Come pick me up" by Ryan Adams. An easy one for drums. ;)