Linger

The black night still passes
though not as fluid as the motion
the taste is in the veins
though the wine stains the cushion
the heart still pounds
though the candle's snuffed out
the tear still rolls
though the sweat has dried out
the mind is still consumed
though the hunger has changed
the scent of secrets still lingers
though we live estranged                                                                  

Bitter-sweet, Averagely good etc. are the words I use to describe the year that is ending. But the lingering memories have matured me a lot. And so have my deeper, more caring interactions with the people in my life. I wish for them and the memories to linger for long.

The New Pinup-Girl

She's the One! Was born to be the One! ...Always will be... till the next one comes along...!

Oh its not the beauty in the picture that I am talking about [see end]. This is about something much hotter...

Global Warming! The Science-praising/bashing, controversy-raising, Nobel-winning, issue of the decade.

An award-winning film is out - "The Inconvenient Truth". An Indian scientist gets a shared Nobel prize. And Global warming is suddenly in the limelight. But its not Gore's or Pachauri's fame that perturbs me. It is the way one or the other issue is always hyped out of proportions and is then left hanging without a conclusion as another more exciting threat to the the world is afoot! Just like a hot new starlet, there are more films to be made on that subject that will sell so much more if it is hyped.

Let me draw your attention to a few issues I have seen while growing up. These are all issues that are very important still & need to be given attention on an equal priority

Cancer - As a really small kid, there was always the talk of cancer. Mostly the one due to smoking and use of tobacco. I made my dad give up tobacco. But have seen many others fall to throat cancer from their addictions. There are ofcourse other cancers which too are still without cure and taking their toll. But tobacco induced cancer is something that a person can spread. The number of commercials showing actual ill effects of smoking and those educating cures of cancer are gone off the media. Oh yes... there are some ads about breast cancer, & I do hope they reach and better the lives of those few that watch cable television.

Drugs - When I was in school, TV used to make me feel that every one of those young guys on the streets was a druggie! Now india seems to be totally cured of this disease... only because we do not have youngsters injecting their groins and sniffing hash in filthy nooks or besides rail tracks. The problem is gone... from where it could be in the public's eye. Drugs are still rampant behind closed doors or in villages where noone peeps. There still are unemployed (or temporarily employed in BPOs) youth falling into the well of drugs thinking they will get high!

Population - This is in my view the most serious issue that concerns the World today and always... Overuse of resources by an uncontrolled population of a dominant species. Almost all evil that we see happening around is due to this. It was high on the propaganda just a few years ago, but its mellowed now. People slowly realise that the more kids they have, the more troubles they will have in their life. And they have other sources of entertaiment than sex. But are we really cured? The average number of kids might still take some time to reduce to 3 per couple. The issue will also need more coverage on the media to be effective sooner. I ve heard that a "Condom" publicity campaign is on I hope it is not the stereotyped gaonwali-behenji-prescribes-Mala-D ad or another steamy Kamasutra ad.

Ozone Hole - First thing... Its Not a hole in the atmosphere on top of your head... and it does not happen only over polluting cities! Ozone layer depletion does NOT cause Global Warming! It is a totally different natural disaster.
The "Hole" was detected as a reduction in the ozone layer over the North and South Poles. This 30% reduction could in future spread to lower latitudes. The misconceived notion is that due to it you will soon get skin cancer while sunbathing or later even when going to school! No... SPF100 sunscreen is not the way to escape the ozone hole! The problem will arise from the krill in the oceans & life stock on land getting ill. If it affects plants then we are done for. This will cause famine and endanger the generations to come before you even feel the symptoms of cancer. The causes of course are related to human activities. We have already been tackling it by reduced use of ODS. But the ozone Hole isn't shrinking!!! It is still as serious a problem as Global warming and we will only see in a decade which we should be thinking more about.

OK...
I know it is impossible to be uninformed about all this. But its easy to be misinformed. Moreover, disillusioned by disappearance of the hot topic we might just assume that the danger has passed. Well dear fellows... it hasn't. Its only that WE get less news about it because WE want variety in our coffee-table discussions. Let us not treat Life like films and ask for a new pinup topic every year. Let us keep following, in our capacities, at least one of the problems that can really affect us.

Of course I am not to forget... Laetitia Casta has finally made it to The Swank Pad! She has always been and will be the best pinup girl for me :)

Ma, come see me

I failed to go see Ma even once this season.
I mean Ma Durga...


The pseudo-bengali that I am, Durga Puja is almost an integral part of my Life. Way back since the days of school vacations in the beginning of autumn, this respite from cruel teachers and boring homework was welcome. But not really for these reasons. It was more than just no-school!

It was a time of unbridled joy, a time of togetherness. Age, gender or status has never had any effect on the jubilant lot that are the Bengalis during the five days the images of Ma spend with us. Everyone is busy being happy to think of anything else. It's a time to stop and enjoy, time to change for the better, a time to welcome new things into your life. We kids would be out cycling all over town going to all corners to see the elaborately decorated Pandals and idols of the goddess. It was one time of the year when we could be on our own and free of the conventional parental bonds. It was also the only chance when we could meet outside the school premises, visit each others places and meet other families. We just felt so grown up being on our own for all these five days. There was of course that extra pocket money to eat all the yummy roadside stuff.

The evenings would bring in the autumn chill & the cardamom-like fragrance of the Chatim flowers. The sun setting on the fields lined by tall shoots of the white Kashful - the grass flowers - swaying in the wind, was a memorable sight. Freshened up after the siesta brought on by the day-long cycling, we'd step out all decked up in the new clothes for the season. The glow of distant pandal illumination lights and the filmy music floating in would remind us to gather near the Puja.

But it was impossible to contain any of us when the mesmerising Dhak begun. Our hearts would start resonating to their beat. The evening arati was accompanied by the playing of the dhak and the offering of Dhuno smoke to the goddess. Not a simple thing this. It's almost an art to do it right and we would even have competitions! With two dhunuchis in two hands the guys would enter the arena and be lost in a trance brought on by the rhythmic drums and bells. With flashing red eyes burning like the embers in their hands and devotion as profuse as the smoke they'd dance till they were in tears. Applauded by the awed crowd flanking them they'd then make way for the next performer. The priest would of course be carrying on chanting his mantras, waving hypnotically the huge set of lighted lamps in his hands, eyes fixed on the goddess' face. That is the most beautiful sight of the whole occasion.

The Mother's face... The round fair face that could be hidden perfectly only by a beetle-leaf. Shaped and painted with such elaborate care by the clay-stained idol-makers. The wavy hair framing it - a charateristic of the typical bengali mother. The eyes filled with enough motherly love to sum up that of all mothers, but also wide open to show a bit of chiding anger. The third eye almost open so as to drive fear into the hearts of the wrong-doing children of hers. The pert nose and mouth complete the perfection that one is drawn into admiring for long after one has finished praying to her for all ones wishes...

And this season, this lousy fellow broke the track record of 27 years and didn't go see her!!! The first day - Mahalaya - had been good with me listening to the Mahalaya radio recitals early in the day. But my cold and some other reasons kept me away from her. A curbed sense of smell has wrecked havoc on my enjoying this autumn. Weird how its all no fun without all those smells of night flowers, the dhoops & dhunos, the crackers, the delicious aromas etc. I didn't get that feel at all... A lousy/lazy mood over the weekend was also to blame. In spite of a 3 day holiday, I somehow ruined my leave on Friday, working, & was so cross about it that I wasted my Saturday in bed too! So no going out... Missed all of this year's Pujo...

Sunday was Bijoya Dashami... Its is the day she won the 10 day battle against Mahishasura. Its also a bit of a sad day as it is the day of her mythical departure to her husband's place, after telling us once again to conquer the Evils in our lives. The ladies gather around her in the mornign and bid her goodbye. They almost play a Holi with red shindoor signifying the good fortune of the families. I have never been to the Dashami celebrations as there is a totally different feel to it compared to the other days. Its too sad I guess to be missing her after these fun days together. So Sunday would have been spoilt too if I hadn't decided to conquer laziness. I had to go out and see Amit, who was in town.

I don't believe in miracles but that don't mean they don't come true...

A Little Love, Bryan Adams

But see her love... she came to see me! On Dashami... I rode out on SIN and on the way was the river. Just as I passed it I saw the sight that filled my eyes up. It was time for visarjan & all Ma Durgas had gathered there & I could meet them at least that small while! :) Oh I was so happy... Everything was there... The idols of the immortal goddess all crimson now, the dhak, dhuno, arati et al. The mortals too... guys in their elaborate panjabi kurtas, aunties in their red bordered saaris & the round faced bong chicks :) It was a mini pujo for me...!!! A chance miracle eh!? One that I am not going to forget...

I Promise Ma I wont give you the miss again... But do come see me if I ever fail.

Credits: Chikki - for the Pujo photo from London.
Rajesh Chakraborty - for his film Dhak, which perfectly complements what I wrote.

Riding the Blues

 

The wave took over me. I rise in an arch. I was slowly climbing every step smoothed out in a sine curve. My blue blossoms looked like fireworks at the peak of the crescendo. I can now see more clearly, but who cares for the view? when just being there at the vantage point was such a pleasure. I wasn't stopping to analyse, to think. There was no time. Time itself was coming riding the wavelenghts. The foreplay had ended and the crest was almost here.

Sitting in the Sun at a waterfront in Cochin, Kerala I wrote this about what a moment would mean for a short-lived water hyacinth weed.

In just the right mood, a weed can be a muse. The 'Marine Drive' in Cochin is a great place to make such moods. Its a walkway facing the backwaters. Take a stroll on the pavement lined by trees and one finds a lot of jetties alluring you to walk to their edge. One cloudy evening last June, I had caught one of the most breathtaking sunsets here. It was another day of realisation that I should enjoy such moments, rather than be sad craving to share them.

Today the hot noon autumn sun is no less pleasureable. I love this place to sit beneath a tree just near the jetty owned by the Taj residency. Try sitting there, watching the countless images of the sun on the countless crests of the countless bobbing waves. Now slowly turn your eyes to the land. The hyacinth breaks the monotony of the water with its green and blue, but itself becomes a monotony before your eyes can reach the shore. There is a hypnotic, erotic, timeless, vain, up and down all around you, that is so like Life.

The water hole

All the animals came to her every day...
She was friendly to everyone.
She gave them all her love.
She gave them a new life.
Her alluring fullness got them back everytime.
They were inspired by the mere presence of her in their thoughts.
They expected her to be that way everytime they needed her...
...every time they visited, just to leave her soon.

Today sitting besides the Pond I realised that, for ages, she has been splashing against the Rock on her side - the only constant thing in her life. Could it be that all SHE wanted was to be taken by it; to quench the thirst it never had...?

Part of a vivid dream, expressed here.

Water of India

Rivers are called the Lifelines of India. Unlike the lines on a human palm, they can actually decide the fate of the populace thriving around them. No wonder we have so many "Cradle of such-n-such" or "Sorrow of such-n-such". In fact they are given the respect of a Mother by all humans who know their worth. I am of course not talking about the [expletive applies here] that pollute them for their own greed.

Ok changing track... We all have heard of the fact that our bodies are more than 65% water! So, that is what I was thinking about during one of my train journeys, as my supply of water had finished! How was I to replenish that percentage loss which my throat was already indicating? Come what may, I never drink water from the train tap. At that moment our train crossed a huge river... and soon after stopped at a small station. Desperately I got down and gulped the refreshing cold water from the taps on the platform. Looking at my filled bottle while getting back to my seat, it occured to me that I was carrying with me a bit of the water that has flown down this river we had just crossed. And I have in me some molecules of the same water which are going to be a part of my cells. Who knows where this river, with all this H₂O came from, but it was in me and might just remain till the end.

I remember the magic shows of one of the most charismatic Indian magicians - P.C.Sorcar Jr. - that I'd been to as a kid. He had a trick called "Water of India". There was a magic tumbler which would periodically produce water inspite of him emptying it fully everytime! These samples of water were then named after the place he said they magically came from. He would then ask us which place we wanted to get water from at the next go! Years later, I can do that trick myself... I of course won't tell, as it would sadden the kids to know that they had not really seen the Waters of India.

Now, I have a chance at doing just that! I travel a lot and drink water at so many places. Of course I have had the water from various seas, lakes, ponds, canals, streams, wells, handpumps etc. But for me to remember them would be a mess. Rivers have this way of connecting You with others. They connect the lives of so many Indians. So I wish to make a constantly updated list of all the Rivers of India whose water I have accepted into my system. In fact, to make this list bigger I am also going to taste water at as many places as possible. This may not be a good idea, but so is drinking fizzy water from random plastic bottles. Die of Hepatitis or die of Cancer... But die knowing that You have at least tried to unite India in Yourself!

Should I make this alphabetical... or chronological? Lets see... I can list out the river waters that I had as I grew up in my country.

To begin with, I was born in Nagpur. I hope they gave me some water then! :) & it might have been from the river that my family-place Nagpur gets its name from...

     Nag
     Kanhan
     Wagh
     Wardha
     Wainganga
     Penganga
     Vidarbha

I have grown up on the banks of the Sorrow of Bengal...

     Damodar

The Ganga is of course the Identity of India. I have been fortunate enough to have its waters all along its route through the land from Gaumukh to Diamond harbour. My tryst with it began very early in my life. I had it in Kolkata where it is called...

     Hoogly. It is Bhagirati near its origin.

Here are some other rivers from around Bengal that I have as a part of me now.

     Bramhaputra
     Ajay
     Barakar
     Kangsabati
     Rupnarayan
     Subarnarekha
     Tista
     Mahanadi

These are rivers that touched me during my childhood trips North with my parents.

     Yamuna
     Alaknanda
     Mandakini
     Beas
     Ravi
     Sutlej
     Betwa
     Narmada
     Mahananda
     Son

We also have the Maharashtra rivers that have been nourishing me since I left home.

     Mula
     Mutha
     Pawana
     Pravara
     Bhima
     Ghod
     Godavari
     Indrayani
     Kham
     Koyna
     Shivna
     Ulhas

These I encountered when I was in Goa

     Candeper
     Zuari
     Mandovi
     Mapuca

The Great Southern rivers that I have tasted are the following.

     Gomati
     Krishna
     Kavery
     Tungabhadra
     Periyar


The smaller ones include

     Adyar
     Bharathappuzha
     Kuvam
     Gayatri
     Kalinadi
     Karamana
     Malprabha
     Netrawati
     Noyil


The number of southern rivers shows how less I have traveled the South of India. There will be more as I try my memory harder & look through Atlases and Wikimapia. But I'm also awaiting for more Water of India to flow via me into this list.


Count: 57
Updated: 30.August.2013

I couldn't resist...

The crimson sky was dripping
and I couldnt resist...
I took some colour and painted you

The earth extended to the horizon
and I couldnt resist...
I just decided to walk to the end with you

The moon rose with its mists
and I couldnt resist...
I added some mystery to you

The stars were burning like embers
and I couldnt resist...
I took your hand and warmed you

The dreamy night was hypnotising all
and I couldnt resist...
I lost some sleep with you                                                                

Resistance sometimes really is Futile :)

Ooty me Chutti

The motley group has left. I have my bus to Bangalore at night, so am waiting as time passes. Lying on the lawn in the sun I find the grass alive with all sorts of insect drama...& the birds were singing such melodies to accompany that... My arena seems quite entertaining. The sunbird humming in the bush just besides me makes me feel like one of my childhood friends - Rima*. I could almost reach out and touch it. The sun glinting off its feathers, the bird meticulously picks up every hanging flower from the purple and white bunch and peers in for the coveted nectar.

Okay okay... for the ones who are really in the dark about where I am, I am in Ooty and since I have nothing to do now, the following is going to be a flashback at the trip...



Day 1: After another journey in a train AC, which included 18 hrs of sleep, reading 'The Little Prince', some group fun, lotsa yummy food and a pleasant surprise by Tanu [at Bangalore Cantt. ;)], I reached Coimbatore early in the morning. The bus ride to Ooty was about 3 hrs long... standing at the gate, eating plums and enjoying the views go past. The Nilgiri hills subjugate any feeling of pride that may be around in ones head. There are more reasons than one to call them to call them "breathtaking"... The air is fresh and crisp and the sight of the blue sky makes you take really deep breaths. :) The climb to Conoor, starting at Mettupalayam takes an hour. This is where we saw the first tea plantations. [I am resisting all temptations to compare it to Darjeeling]...Next stop Ooty...

The rain started just as we got into town. So we rushed to a local restaurant & had loads of rice with sambar, rasam, etc. on a banana leaf...! The time post repast was spent at the Railway station which is so quaint.

Our vehicle picked us up from there to take us to the campus of the Ooty Radio Telescope. yup... astronomy here too! The director of the institute, Dr.P.K. Manoharan is an admirable person. He has made all arrangements. :) It is an amazingly beautiful location 20 mins drive from Ooty. I've seen the telescope only in pictures as yet, but in reality it is awesome. The guest house is also cool.

Felt like running away from all people & instantly took a liking to the garden in front of the telescope control room. Greedily took all photos I could in half an hour. I was so charged up that I didnt feel the slightest of shivers roaming around in shorts and tees. The temperature was ~18 degrees!

This was followed by a loooong walk exploring the campus... Spent some time at the base of the telescope. There is a clearing there with a secret path that I can see leading into the thick jungle. But in the clearing, sitting on one of the posts of the telescope, one feels like the king of the place. I wish 'king nothing' had a crown :D The Daisy fields simply extend to the edge of everywhere... The birds sound so nice in the silence of the valley. I could make out the melodious robins, the hammering barbets, the whistling thrush, the ticking crickets and there were so many other sounds to find the origins of. Saw black faced macaques lazily eating eucalyptus leaves!!!

Later in the evening I took the jungle path into a village beyond. I went to look for the bus stop so I could get back into town. As soon as I stepped out of the campus gate, I noticed that the valley was covered with big veggie farms... potatoes, cauliflowers, beans, carrots & other stuff. There were tea gardens too a bit further away. Spotted the most adorable cows with their round black eyes... its been a long time since I watched a milkman milk one!!

It was time for sunset and the sky had clouded all over. But suddenly, out of somewhere, a sliver of gold came out & lit up the hill tops in the East... breathtaking sight... just stood there till the color faded and the village lights came on... [I ve stopped missing having a camera of my own]

There's a temple at the bottom of the valley and I'm sure it was playing some hindi songs... That's a surprise and needs to be checked as they have shifted to prayers at that moment.

A long walk in crisp cold air makes one really Hungry. By the way the lunches and dinners here are expected to be really uneventful, with lots & lots of rice and jokes.

Day 2: "Shiver shiver shiver... hey Where am I? & Why am I cold? Oh yeah I'm in Ooty and am supposed to be out exploring. giddyupppp...!"

After this self-intereaction, I brushed my white teeth with the yellow spring water that we get in the taps here. [Its supposed to be bacteria free but not mud free :D] & rushed to the garden. I had found these steps in front of the control room from where I had an awesome view of the telescope valley. I was trying one more skecth and so could use some entertainment. So yes... the village temple down below was playing hindi songs... Baazigar and DDLJ of all albums! Theres no harm enjoying them if you cant go switch them off.

The day was intended for going to the town for a touristy visit & the Sun was out. We walked to the village bus stand and stood there waiting. After seeing how packed the two buses that arrived were, Arvind decided that we hire an open roofed tempo for a ride!! It was a thrilling and unforgettable roller-coaster ride from Muthuvarai village to the 'city'...

The famous Botanical garden is about 3 kms from the main bus stand. Its a must see and the interested one should spare about three hours to fully explore it... spoilsports can ofcourse stay out. Took a few pics on a borrowed camera... [Thanx Kanad!] Well words are no good to describe them... so take a look!

The the rain came as I'd predicted. The lack of umbrellas of others is of course always a pleasure :D Got my shoes all wet walking in the rain. The best way around it was of course to buy a pair of chappals!

The rains here are mostly in the afternoon, when the warm humid air rises and cools suddenly. The orographic rain condenses on the hillslopes 'out of the blue' and its a 'good' experience if you are not a regular in Ooty. It might be wet on one slope and sunny on another.

Getting back in the back of a cramped Jeep was another experience. We at the back were almost hanging out of it. But the driver doesn't spare you the jolts just for that simple reason.

The evening was time for another nice walk with the kiddos. Took them exploring the local flora and fauna and we did some discoveries. There were so many varieties of conifers to identify and collect the cones from [and lots of hindi puns to make on the word 'cone' :D]. In this endeaour, we for the first time in our life discovered a specimen of the carnivorous pitcher plant! Finding a pool made by a stream and a tree with really big cones added to our joy. The best happenning was Dhruv finding a porcupine quill! All of us were very happy with our collection. I couldn't believe it that the kids, instead of being tired, played Jedi Knights on the climb up! :)

Day 3:

The first observation with the Ooty radio telescope was scheduled today! At ~12 noon we took readings of a celestial radio-galaxy. Its awesome to see the whole 530m x 30m structure move with such precision as to track an object in the sky. The Sun glinting off the wires stretched across the chasis, working as reflectors, almost made a rainbow...

We took some time free in the afternoon and went back to town to visit leftover places. Some lazybones stayed back & slept... ufff! It was all unplanned fun... One place not to miss in Ooty is the Thread Garden. Its a masterpiece of hardwork. A whole big garden with all its vegetation made of silk threads! All lifelike to that...

The second thing not to forget in Ooty, is to eat 'Homemade Chocolates' which are sold in all shops! :) I've been stuffed with boiled rice for the last 4 days... so finally was also glad to have some fresh patties!

Okay...this was probably the last tourist visit to town I will have. Have not yet explored the race course, the tea gardens, the Rose garden, the Cemetary, the Fernhill Palace & the Potato research institute...!

We had a quick photosession at the station again... The ride on the Engine was cut short by some shouting by a policeman. :D I will not be taking the train out of town as was planned earlier. On the way back we rode a really crowded bus with really funky music on which made us all shake. Whoever's heard of hip-hop bhajans? :D

A Clear Midnight
This is thy hour O Soul, thy free flight into the wordless,
Away from books, away from art, the day erased, the lesson done,
Thee fully forth emerging, silent, gazing, pondering the themes thou lovest best.
Night, sleep, and the stars.

Walt Whitman

Time for another night walk. It seems one can never have enough of the eucalyptus and pine scented air. I felt like carrying a bottle full of it home. With the above lines as wishes from a great pal [thanx Chikki], I was out for a stroll in the chilly night of Ooty with the stars in the clear sky for company. I'd planned to stay awake all night as this will be my last one in Ooty. I had to be a bit careful as I had forgotten to get any warm clothes. But, I discovered that a bottle of hot water inside my shirt does wonders... and two pouches of instant coffee in the same bottle do even better :D

The southern cross [constellation] has never looked so high to me ever since I found it during my Fergusson College days... Besides it, the stars alpha and beta Centauri, were dazzling... They just grab your attention. Its always a pleasure to see the star nearest to the Sun, especially here, in all its glory, with its apparent twin. The moon above was almost full. A wonderful full moon night in Bangalore will be a gift.


Day 4: Woke up hearing that most of the group was not feeling well. Its not a very good feeling to feel somehow responsible for someone's ill health. It was a day of parting with the group, so I left them early for my visit to town.

The highlight of today was ofcourse a visit to The Blue Mountains School. This school founded way back in the 60's as an alternative school. But, as is the state of most 'different' schools, it is in dire straits. Now, with a new principal, it is starting all over. In her words, "Its hard to keep pressures of societal expectations at bay. How does one keep mediocrity away and insist on high academic standards in an alternative situation?" Currently, there are only 8 students on the rolls in this residential school.

On the positive side, the hill-slope campus is so beautiful that I was wondering why I went to the botanical garden for all the pictures. :) Anyways I didnt have a camera handy today. The wooden building has that British era charm. As usual, it poured while I was there. Took a round of the huge campus of the residential school in the rain. I got introduced to the J. Krishnamurti philosophy during a talk with the principal. [I wish to follow up on this later esp. in Bangalore where I might visit a KFI school ]. I was invited for lunch and so I got a little time with the kids. That was a delight... & I got to eat loads of nice mangoes. :)

The return journey was thankfully uneventful as there are already so many memories I'm taking back in this hectic holiday... Looking forward to more running around in Bangalore.

*... oops almost forgot her...! Rima was in one of my fave books from childhood - "Green Mansions" by W H Hudson. The many adventures were exciting & it was also one that made me cry a lot... but its was so beautifully written. All these surroundings made me so nostalgic about this book that is set in a tropical south american forest.

Haji Ali

"Allah hu akbar Allahhh...."


Mmmmm.... One can never appreciate an Azzan [the Muslim religious prayer] till one has heard it. And today I woke up to it. I am staying in an Islamic majority area near Worli, in Mumbai. I had noticed a few masjids around from the roof. So now I guess I will have these wake up calls everytime I oversleep. To jerk me up and tell me to do my duties...

But I was still lazy. Stayed back in bed till lunch! My mind was confused as to what to think about. Choices are very tough for me to handle. :D So it finally gave way and went to sleep. :) The afternoon workshop had me run here and there between disciplines ranging from electronics to aeromodelling to biology. I was again confused. I had too many choices of things to do! I just went back to my room and sat there trying to prioritise the choices for the next few evenings... Faintly I heard the melody of the evening Azzan again & I wondered why. But, I almost fell asleep again swaying to it and got delayed for my planned visit to Crawford market to get some bargains for my home etc.

I can never guess why I decided to goto Haji Ali later! But I did... Not to all those 'happenning' places around, but Haji Ali! I walked till there and had missed the sunset (I should say - thankfully). I walked down the footpath towards the Dargah which slowly curved from the East towards South... thinking about some things which were making my thoughts a jumble...

And then in the colourful Dusk I saw it! The Crescent Moon!

I stood right there... spellbound! A glowing crescent on top of a Dargah... I knew it was not a sight to be repeated for me... It was like something which had to be gupled down. and I ve been here for the last half hour now looking at it slowly set. The night has got darker now and its growing more beautiful every moment. For a 'lunatic' like me, this is the best sight possible.

I have sat down on a bench and I have sketched the scene (sketching real life only the second time in my life...!) Its lousy but something in me says I am going to do it more. The path to Haji Ali is over the water to the left, lit with yellow lights. The dargah itself is illuminated with multihued lights with a green glow to the towers. All around is just the sea lit by the reflections and above all is that Glorious Crescent.

The First instant I saw it I wanted to hold onto something/someone coz I was almost shivering with excitement. The second instant I missed not having my camera coz all my important people would be missing this. The third instant, with tears in my eyes, I knew... It was My event! Meant for Me, Deserved by Me. A reward for living maybe...

[If you do, then...] What do you expect God to Give you? This is near maximum I guess, a heavenly pleasure of senses. And eerie coincidences related to human beliefs could make anyone believe in God at such a time. So I have somehow been dragged into this highly affected state. Its so dreamy. This is Nirvana, Heaven, Jannat... I'm not sure I'm alive. & I would not regret dying tomorrow.

I still sit there watching, waiting for my leaden legs to come back... As my field of view widens, I notice...

Two people were "getting a Life" at that moment.
One was Me.
Absorbing something 'God-given'.
I could suckle off the crescent of the heavenly orb, getting all the ebbing inspiration back from the reward, getting all the nourishment for my Mind from this limit-testing sensual experience, getting immunized to the torture of the taxing, unjust, futile world...
And besides me was the child of a poor Mother at her breast.
Was she the God to him? Was He her reward?
The Moon set, the Mother left...

As I walked back, for a while, tears kept welling up with the returning tide on the sea-face.

Written on 29th April 2006.

PS: A coincidence exactly an year later made me post this. No reason for this to be hidden...

I Divide

I divide the world in 2
The goodness in Me and the bad that is You.
I decide, I judge and I do...
I divide the world in 2

I divide the world in 2
The cracked Earth and the stardust glow,
The real news and the morsels You throw.
The things that I lust, the things that You screw
and the leftovers branded by You.
I divide the world in 2

I divide the world in 2
The cries for freedom, while You strip Liberty,
and the laughs from the top raping virtuosity.
The rebel in Me and the slaves that You make.
My sacrifices and those that You fake.
The simple Me and the Hypocrite in You.
I divide the world in 2

I divide the world in 2
My own faith and Your enforced beliefs.
The tired sleep and the "Hand that relieves".
I divide the world in 2

I divide wine and water. I divide pimp and father.
I divide smoke and air. That halo is just Your burning hair.
I divide plenty and dirth. Let me show You what You are worth.      
I'll divide You from Thee... Conquer You, so there's only Me!

Rushing by me is a deluge of hot air and I stand here in the cool gust of an AC, at the division very similar to the conventional heaven and hell. I'm standing at the door of my AC 3-tier compartment of the Chennai Express. I have chosen to open it, to be aware - of my choices, of the divide between reality and convenience. The Spring moon shines bright only on the East side of the train. On the West, Venus, Sirius and Canopus, the three brightest objects in the sky, were struggling to illuminate the dark. The rails dividing the dry farms & the dry terrain upto the hills, suddenly cross a bridge. It's like flying. There's nothing ahead of my feet to feel attached to. I am on the divide of the Earth and Sky. The river below is half a kilometer across, but without a drop of water. A tinkle and a jangle tells me that someone just made an offering of coins to the river godess. The plastic, crushing, noise is of the disposed "mineral water" bottle joining more of the trash in the river-bed.

      A swank girl passes me by with her twin. She's in Black and the twin has a White top on! What better division can I have for a sign to write this?

Uneclipsed

Eclipses occur rarely
but they darken things a lot.
Be it your field-of-view or all of your thoughts.

Wake up expecting a morning
and Night is what you find.
An Eclipse of the Sun or an Eclipse of your Mind.

The Sun gets covered by the Moon's limb
Shadows roam the land...
The Brain is overrun by thoughts you cannot understand.

Forms of darkness intimidate
although they are just absence of Light.
Raging inside they stay, useless is your improved sight.

Strange are the choices your Mind gives you...

Worry not about the dark In and Out,
See the strong light of Hope.
Or wallow in the fog and for a feeble support grope.

Uneasiness is the lack of faith
in Goodness, in Reason and its foresight.
A survivor knows there will always again be Light.

The Sun is really gone only when it sets.
You should really die only with your Death.
Die not everyday with thoughts that upset.

Gravity completes a flawless show,
a few make money saying its a jinx!
Be not fooled by negativity, Resist what you don't want to Think.         

Eclipses don't change the Sun and Moon's ways,
You stay an Angel even with wings clipped.
Only your belief in yourself can get you Uneclipsed...

Yesterday I too was Uneclipsed of some thoughts. So this one had to come out [pun intended].

There was a partial eclipse of the Sun today. The Sun rose eclipsed. This was my fifth partial Solar eclipse. I woke up early in the morning for it and also caught it in this picture. Its a difficult thing to control your emotions at such Heavenly events. I bet this is my fastest written poem ever.

More:
Amit got some awesome shots of the eclipse.

Palash

Past the dry bamboo shoots and the grass so dead,
Past these rocks framing the dusty path I tread,
I'm signalled to a stop by the tree tops glowing red.
What is this flashing daytime fire... What fuel has it been fed?         

Oh thats the 'Palash' - the flame of the forest, my inner voice said.
The black twisted branches, the croppings of round leaves so jade...
The fiery flamelets of the flowers, waiting for their chance to be shed.
The fire it seems, is flowing into the ground ahead.

It seeps through my feet and soon all I see is red.
The sound of drums into my ears flows,
a horde of warriors rush into my head.
Drawn are their bows, their swords, like their skins, bared.
Past me they march to a war of freedom,
which no one before has dared.

The hills cower as the fire climbs,
of the gunfire and cannons it is not afraid.
It has to burn the redcoats down, or for this land be shed.
The war was lost, but not without honour, though many lives were laid.
It was a jolt for others to fight before their memories fade.

Alone now, with the Palash, I stand proud on this red soil,
Fighting again to retain something for which they have bled.

The title seems tempting to accredit this idea to the Battle of Palashi [or Plassey] between the British and Nawab Siraj-ud-Daula in 1757. The place is named after a dense forest of Palash [Butea sp.]. That was the first real battle the East India Company prided themselves for facing on Indian soil. Though the latter had a bigger force and cannons too, he succumbed to his lack of scientific sense and ofcourse treachery.

But infact, I have been inspired by the Santal rebellions of 1855. Though overshadowed by the 1857 Mutiny, it was one of the first battles against oppression of those times. For ages the Santal tribes had resided in hills of the then Indian states of Orissa, Bengal and Bihar. On setting foot here, the British and their cronies however grabbed their land per force or cheating and got them into inhuman bondage... So the uprising was due.

It was like a forest-fire trying to outshine the Sun. Fought by a minority group of tribals, only with their exceptional archery skills to match the guns & cunning of the Enemies of their Freedom. The Santals led by their 'rebel' leaders, Sidhu and Kanhu Murmu, took refuge in the Palash forests in the hilly districts of what is now Jharkhand, India. Their guerilla tactics were very unheard of and caused the Redcoats a lot of trouble until they were drawn out, away from their home the forest. The whole tribe was decimated over 2 years, but not before the words of resentment and the smoke-cloud of rebellion against the British oppression was passed on to others also pining for freedom.

I was recently in West Bengal, passing through a Palash forest in full bloom. I have grown up climbing trees, including those of Palash. Then, the flowers, boiled in water, were a source of a rich yellow dye to us. With some fragrant flowers added to the broth, it was an excellent natural colour for Holi. But this time, the Palash's image seems so different. I have always known the names of Sidhu-Kanhu and now for the first time, I felt closer to them.

How can one supress one's energy when Spring is setting the surroundings on Fire? Its not just the Palash, but we also have the Silk-cotton tree [Semul, Kapok, Bombay ceiba] and the Indian Coral Tree [Erythrina indica] adding to the fire their oranges, reds & vermillion. In all a way of Nature to bring out people's true nature. :)

PS: Dont hate [or sue] me for the copyrighted picture. It will be replaced with an original one as soon as I get one.

More Links:
A Hindi Article on Palash

Hide your tears

Rain Drips
     Crops Rise
Petrol Drips
     Economies Rise
Blood Drips
     Empires Rise
Sweat Drips
     Monuments Rise
Semen Drips
     Generations Rise

          Tears drip... Nothing rises...                                                   

To us, tears must be the most precious of the fluids I guess, because no one wants them to be seen by others or to give them away. I'm being Minimalistic after a while now. Dont know why I'm posting about tears on a happy day. But, I had to shed these thoughts lest they turn into tears, which for me definitely need to remain hidden. Hide yours a little better & Smile more!

Lucky Saturn

Saturn, to me, it is the most beautiful planet after the Earth. The rings of Saturn have fascinated multitudes for ages and still draw out the 'oooh's & 'wow's everytime I show it to people through a telescope.

Here is a page with more pictures by Christopher Go. He has been following it with a telescope for the past year of "Saturn season". You can catch it for yourself too. All of the next month or so, it is going to be a nice, bright, starlike evening object in the East.

10th February 2007 [the day the above pic was taken] was the day of opposition for Saturn. 'Opposition' is the time when the Earth lies between an outer planet and the Sun, making the Sun and planet appear in opposite directions as viewed from the Earth. So to us, the planet rises as the Sun sets. Now magine yourself out in space and draw out the position of the Sun and the orbits of the earth and the planet on opposition day. Its easy to see that the Earth will be closest to the planet on this day. The distance in between them is of course the distance between their orbits, which is unimaginably huge. The occurrence of oppostion for various planets differs and it was Saturn's turn yesterday.

Since the early morn TV channels were full of 'news' about what all can happen on this day and how there were so many people praying to appease saturn!

"Saturn is the worst planet to have in your horoscope... & God forbid if it be close to the earth at that time... All hell will be let loose!"

So say some of the astrologers. Or at least thats the picture they paint, but will deny it when countered. In India, for ages Shani or Saturn - the angry god has been the harbinger of bad luck.

It seems that the media did finally remember that there are some dudes who are more in touch with Saturn than the astrologers [most of whom have not even seen it!]. So we had a TV team from a channel at our Science centre for a 2 minute interview to counter all the stuff transmitted all day. My senior put up a few good points. I happenned to barge in with one point that was missed and got invited to face the camera too. I was instantly transformed into an expert on astronomy giving comments on TV about the latest sensational celestial event!

I dont know about the half a billion Leo's who walk the Earth. They are "predicted" to share the same bad luck for the next few months, due to Saturn's presence in a group of stars that resembles a Lion, if your imagination can leap like one. But it turned out to be very lucky for me... If you believe that Saturn favours me, then please contact me for more details on "How to use Saturn to become famous!"

For more time-pass follow the following weblinks to sites about the spaceship Cassini, which is near Saturn doing a lot of research.

More Links:
JPL >> NASA

Silence of Thought

Drums...
What does the word remind you of?

Festivites, Rock music, Noise... depending on your present orientation of mind. For me its currently Music. I have joined the race to be in the league of John Bonham, Ian Paice, Keith Moon, John Densmore etc. For the uninitiated, that means I am learning drums!

Yesterday my 1-2-3-4 routine was bass-none-snare-bass [thats my own convention though. 'none' means no drum is played, only the hi-hat cymbals are hit]. It is tiring for the mind. Three [as yet] of my limbs are working separately doing their own do, at different frequencies, and together they have to create a beat. I have always been awed by the concepts of multitasking and time-sharing [and how I am so super at them], but this is a totally new level! The right hand keeps its own identity while the left hand & the right foot clamour to give it company. But like unruly kids, they need to be controlled. "Stay!" - I say to my foot. Its moving twice every beat. "...Stick it to the bass-drum and stay with the skin till I finish the next two beats". The left hand is the first to miss a beat. "Damn... I'll make up for it 3 beats later" I hear myself thinking "...4-1-2-" and I hit the snare on 3 but miss the foot on 4! But 1 comes on fine and I gradually settle in, oblivious to any attention I might be getting from the guitar-girls behind. I shift from counting numbers to the sound. My heart almost repeats the beats.

It hypnotises you. Maybe its not meant to be done after a hard day's work. The rhythmic beat draws you in. Slowly your eyes close. Your limbs keep doing their job, almost by themselves. And suddenly I wasn't thinking... For a definite while, I had no picture in front of my eyes, no words in my head. My world was not futile anymore. It almost wasn't there... A Silence of Thought had descended on me! Even the thought that I wasn't thinking, came after a blank... & it suddenly felt so unwelcome. I shivered in my sweat. It happened unconsciously and stayed for a while.

All that I have been craving for, for a while now, is riddance from thoughts. Anything that you do repeatedly for a week becomes a habit and I have been addicted to thoughts for quite some time now... Thoughts that contain people, expectations, which take a negative turn most of the time. I've been trying to put them away after I wake everyday. It seemed so impossible a task. I have even been half-heartedly trying, what people would term as meditation. But, either I fall asleep again, tired of the struggle, or I just give up and get to my ways of the day. My addiction has been keeping me from making new habits that could be harmful to its existence. I know... some self-discipline is missing. This is a boost to my efforts. Anyways, I now believe something like the following...

As long as you have a mind, you will have thoughts and emotions.
Meditation is bringing the mind back home, and this is first achieved through the practice of mindfulness, of bringing the scattered mind home, and so of bringing the different aspects of our being into focus.

Sogyal Rinpoche

No. I do not have any glimpses of "the world seen only by those who enter the silence beyond thought", to share with you. :) But, this is a good omen. Music is my meditation. Someday I might just be playing and not thinking about anything else while I beat the music out of the skins and metal with my sticks... and you know exactly where to read all about it!

PS: The song I'm trying to pick up is "Come pick me up" by Ryan Adams. An easy one for drums. ;)

Windows

Sunshine in some windows,
the light setting for some.
Windows have hands waving byes or
eyes waiting for someone to come.
Music from some, laughter from others
Screams from a few ignored by neighbours.
Many low and open,
a few high and kept.
Drops of rain in some,
other sills wet with tears wept.
Some curtain loneliness,
some are closed to hide amour.
Queues of people besides some...
wait for the faceless provider
Transparent glass showing off affluence
Glazed glass keeping out the prying eyes
Coloured glass keeping in the colourlessness...                                                                                    

I was in Goa last October and was fascinated by the arc(h)ane windows. Especially one that inspired me to think of a partial story. That one hasn't been typed yet, but I did come up with the above while coding today morning...

Here are the Windows' pictures I'd taken in Panaji and around.


PS: Totally off topic, but on Windows... M$ unleashed another virus on the World, called "Vista" on January the 30th. A cheap copy of the Mac OS's looks thats ages late. With it, the Windows people have become extremely aggresive in its promotion upto the level of being impolite and refusing sale of any new computers without the customers choosing Vista! As usual it is also far more intrusive with your personal information.

I'm ofcourse on my self-customised [& far better looking] Linux-box writing this... :) But here is Free Software Foundation's site about Vista. Support Free Software... Its not about freebies, its about Freedom!

Driven by Dissatisfaction

Today "Mr. Kumar" acknowledged me as a good teacher! He's a person who had, for the past year, been bugging me with comments about how good teachers were in the past & how satisfying it used to be being one.

Oh he finally accepted Me! Wow Man... This is Sweet Success ... !
      ... or is it? Does success lie in social acceptance of ourselves? What am I supposed to do now... Pride myself, put myself on a pedestal and stagnate in self-satisfaction? No... I will stay Dissatisfied.

The chemistry of dissatisfaction is as the chemistry of some marvelously potent tar. In it are the building stones of explosives, stimulants, poisons, opiates, perfumes and stenches.
Eric Hoffer

Great thought, but I wonder why it doesn't include my kind of dissatisfaction!? My dissatisfaction lies in all the existing unhappinness, ignorance and the resulting futility around me... In not having a cure for it or rather people not accepting certain things that might just be a cure. Whereas others are finding their answers in the things Hoffer mentions above, my answer isn't in them. Where is this thing called a "Smile"?! We cannot manufacture a genuine one with chemistry.

The following were to appear in Things people say to me...

"I'm happy with the Life I am living..."
"You need to have satisfaction in Your Life!"
"Don't want to have what you like... Like what you have!"

Ok people... dont give me your conflict-of-thoughts galore. I'm amazed at how you just accept the most convenient ways and measure happiness off it. But, I dont spot the smile on your face when you say all this! I would not be saying anything new if this was an argument. Its just that I can't see the motive behind people saying all these when everyone around is dissatisfied. Find your real self in the dissatisfaction Nature itself is filled with. I know, You'd bloody hate your life if you were really satisfied.

Everyone needs to have something to look forward to doing in Life. Or else is it not the same as Death? I am a driven guy... Driven by dissatisfaction, pain & beauty. I do like what I have and do. I live by inspired volition not coercion. I do not expect any respite from this constant urge to do more & better myself. I know I will stay dissatisfied till the end. Only a Life fully lived has a satisfying end - a welcome Death.

Thank you "Mr. Kumar" for your compliment. Enjoy your satisfied life wallowing in the glory of your past. I wish you had stayed dissatisfied & I had something to complement you for in return.

Seven dead Crows

Written on September 5th, 2006

Another dead crow. This is the sixth body today!
Killed by destiny or crushed by wheels of Time and then a Truck?
Why do crows die? Why do people Die? Do hearts die with them?
I once fell for a fallen one. She landed into my life with a limp.
In the crowd she was alone.
Though forlorn, she Never said she needed me. It was my assumption. My decision to protect her, care for her, make her live longer, happier.
In turn she planted a seed of hope and amazed me at my own positivity!
I'm not a mindreader and her eyes just teased me.
Her silence was unbridgeable for me.
But I was already deafened by my own good thoughts.
Her feelings were unknown to me...
But I was already overcome with my own fantasies.
Her struggles were unfightable for me...
But I was already struggling in my own failing efforts.
She tried to fly, but I couldn't give her the wings.
And one fine day as I hopped upto her box, I noticed her stiffness.
It was unnatural for Life, but a norm if one chooses Death.
That was her choice.
My choice was Nothing - in her Life... in her Death.

Dry flowers and Wet eyes

In Life the Good & Bad don't average out...
They both take toll of your nerves.

I'd have loved to simply leave this thought here, but on popular demand I'll explain... The day before yesterday I was in a village called Panchgaon, near the city of Kolhapur, host to a residential school. These flowers were given to me by two little girls, Arti and Asha. They were girls from a nomadic tribe & the first in their family to ever get to go to school. I won't go into how I did a good job of my 'work' of giving them a few good pieces of knowledge. But, I got my reward through these flowers. The shy beings had impropmtu picked for me the closest beautiful things they could find. In that little while, I had meant something to them to deserve this precious gift! They got me these, as appreciation, as I was wrapping up the after the talk. My smile was then almost about to fade, giving way to thoughts. It came back and was with me as I went through Hell the next day.

Isn't it amazing how smiles and sorrows both bring tears... & yet we are preferential!?

Things people say to me...

And what I want to say to them...

    I imagined you to be older."
                                                                                                                                                       

...the usual response of people who have only heard/read of me. I have no idea if I sound "mature" on phone/paper. Or is it because of the work that I do? & does it imply that I'm not of the 'age' I had once seemed to be?

"You look so young!"

Ok so I am a 28 year 'old' Peter Pan! But Beware - I am a kid upstairs too... more of a Pinocchio! That also explains me being skinny.

"Is there something you Dont know about?"

hehehe... :D Well yeah there's a lot I dont know about or else I'd be running Google...! but need I say that it always pays to be resourceful.

"Shut your mouth. You make me guilty/concious and spoil all the Fun!"

Yeah sure and you can carry on with all your flaws and your highly concious & embarrased soul. I treasure friends who make me concious of the right things. I see their caring in this & its done for my betterment.
     You are getting concious because you do have a weak point. Its upto you to ditch me and find a 'Yes man'. Its a matter of choice. But if you are a friend then yes... just for you, I am working on bettering my words at being your conscience... so that I dont always end up being a spoilsport.

"Don't think too much about people all the time."

Its a challenge to keep all the inputs from your senses at bay. I cant help it if I am sensitive and care for those whom I think about. The brain controls me & its not yet the other way. Its a struggle and I lose everytime. Vicky however confuses me with - "if you cant stop them, let the thoughts come..."

"I can't count on you! / You are not dependable!"

Thanks for the frank complement...& I have to agree with you on this. I guess its an old problem with this guy who's always been forced to keep his heart foremost. In consequence I've always shied away from commitments & failed at mattering properly to people. But, do you Really want to depend on me? Ever tried making it CLEAR to me that you want me to be special to you? I'm a confused guy, but I hope its not Your confusion thats reflecting in this charge.

"You never sleep, do you?"

As a vampire cursed to walk even during the daytime, what do you expect of me? Well... with the energy levels I have and with the numerous minutes to be Lived just passing by, how can I sleep? I do get my naps and need only 5 hours of shuteye!
Only Amit gets to say to me - "Abe jhopu nakos!" [bugger, dont doze off!] :D

"Its time you got married."

...& do what? Excuse Me & go mind ur own business.

"Dude...Go get laid!"

...& how? Excuse Me... are you in the business? :D

Fun with e=mc^2

Here's the powerpoint I made for My talk Today. The title is apparently clear and I hope the point is too after you go through it :) You are free to use it properly.


Thanx: Michael Chabin for idea inputs.

Tere Bin

When my head was filled with thoughts of you.
hen my heart's emotions were meant only for you.
I'd crave you in the darkness & in light.
'd close my eyes and whisper goodnight.
The dawn brought the first thoughts - of you.
he rest of the day i was blind to any view.
How could it be?
ow could there be such times
when you invaded my life, my weaknesses, my dreams...?
OUrs were the words i heard
rs were the words i wrote
The touch I imagined I felt
he sights I could still see
Y were in my arms when she held me...
O made me want to become someone else.
U became the someone i'd never give a name.
are unplugged now.

I'm letting you go coz its better to be alone at the edge of my Blue world. But i'm just across the shadows if you want to reach out.

Inspired by my new desktop configuration I call - "Tere Bin". Have a look...

Happy New Whatever...

To hell with the world where I am not expected to be what I am.
I am better unplugged.

What good is wishing someone when it has no effect? Do we do it just to matter to people or say that they matter to us? Is that in fact a good way to serve the purpose?

I remember my collection of greeting cards way back in school. I'd buy mine with such diligence and make each special for the friend it was meant for. Only to get back one of their cards they had bought in a lot! I still treasured them to console myself that atleast there was one for me.

Now I dont need to wish my real friends. In fact many a times we have great times without even needing to say hi! Dudes you are the best... & the only thing I wish for you and me is to find more such pals if we ever get lost.

So I am forfieting wishing anyone and everyone "A Happy New...whatever" as far as I can... If you have not been wished, then either you know your status or its upto you to find out, via better ways, if you matter or not!