Hide your tears

Rain Drips
     Crops Rise
Petrol Drips
     Economies Rise
Blood Drips
     Empires Rise
Sweat Drips
     Monuments Rise
Semen Drips
     Generations Rise

          Tears drip... Nothing rises...                                                   

To us, tears must be the most precious of the fluids I guess, because no one wants them to be seen by others or to give them away. I'm being Minimalistic after a while now. Dont know why I'm posting about tears on a happy day. But, I had to shed these thoughts lest they turn into tears, which for me definitely need to remain hidden. Hide yours a little better & Smile more!

Lucky Saturn

Saturn, to me, it is the most beautiful planet after the Earth. The rings of Saturn have fascinated multitudes for ages and still draw out the 'oooh's & 'wow's everytime I show it to people through a telescope.

Here is a page with more pictures by Christopher Go. He has been following it with a telescope for the past year of "Saturn season". You can catch it for yourself too. All of the next month or so, it is going to be a nice, bright, starlike evening object in the East.

10th February 2007 [the day the above pic was taken] was the day of opposition for Saturn. 'Opposition' is the time when the Earth lies between an outer planet and the Sun, making the Sun and planet appear in opposite directions as viewed from the Earth. So to us, the planet rises as the Sun sets. Now magine yourself out in space and draw out the position of the Sun and the orbits of the earth and the planet on opposition day. Its easy to see that the Earth will be closest to the planet on this day. The distance in between them is of course the distance between their orbits, which is unimaginably huge. The occurrence of oppostion for various planets differs and it was Saturn's turn yesterday.

Since the early morn TV channels were full of 'news' about what all can happen on this day and how there were so many people praying to appease saturn!

"Saturn is the worst planet to have in your horoscope... & God forbid if it be close to the earth at that time... All hell will be let loose!"

So say some of the astrologers. Or at least thats the picture they paint, but will deny it when countered. In India, for ages Shani or Saturn - the angry god has been the harbinger of bad luck.

It seems that the media did finally remember that there are some dudes who are more in touch with Saturn than the astrologers [most of whom have not even seen it!]. So we had a TV team from a channel at our Science centre for a 2 minute interview to counter all the stuff transmitted all day. My senior put up a few good points. I happenned to barge in with one point that was missed and got invited to face the camera too. I was instantly transformed into an expert on astronomy giving comments on TV about the latest sensational celestial event!

I dont know about the half a billion Leo's who walk the Earth. They are "predicted" to share the same bad luck for the next few months, due to Saturn's presence in a group of stars that resembles a Lion, if your imagination can leap like one. But it turned out to be very lucky for me... If you believe that Saturn favours me, then please contact me for more details on "How to use Saturn to become famous!"

For more time-pass follow the following weblinks to sites about the spaceship Cassini, which is near Saturn doing a lot of research.

More Links:
JPL >> NASA

Silence of Thought

Drums...
What does the word remind you of?

Festivites, Rock music, Noise... depending on your present orientation of mind. For me its currently Music. I have joined the race to be in the league of John Bonham, Ian Paice, Keith Moon, John Densmore etc. For the uninitiated, that means I am learning drums!

Yesterday my 1-2-3-4 routine was bass-none-snare-bass [thats my own convention though. 'none' means no drum is played, only the hi-hat cymbals are hit]. It is tiring for the mind. Three [as yet] of my limbs are working separately doing their own do, at different frequencies, and together they have to create a beat. I have always been awed by the concepts of multitasking and time-sharing [and how I am so super at them], but this is a totally new level! The right hand keeps its own identity while the left hand & the right foot clamour to give it company. But like unruly kids, they need to be controlled. "Stay!" - I say to my foot. Its moving twice every beat. "...Stick it to the bass-drum and stay with the skin till I finish the next two beats". The left hand is the first to miss a beat. "Damn... I'll make up for it 3 beats later" I hear myself thinking "...4-1-2-" and I hit the snare on 3 but miss the foot on 4! But 1 comes on fine and I gradually settle in, oblivious to any attention I might be getting from the guitar-girls behind. I shift from counting numbers to the sound. My heart almost repeats the beats.

It hypnotises you. Maybe its not meant to be done after a hard day's work. The rhythmic beat draws you in. Slowly your eyes close. Your limbs keep doing their job, almost by themselves. And suddenly I wasn't thinking... For a definite while, I had no picture in front of my eyes, no words in my head. My world was not futile anymore. It almost wasn't there... A Silence of Thought had descended on me! Even the thought that I wasn't thinking, came after a blank... & it suddenly felt so unwelcome. I shivered in my sweat. It happened unconsciously and stayed for a while.

All that I have been craving for, for a while now, is riddance from thoughts. Anything that you do repeatedly for a week becomes a habit and I have been addicted to thoughts for quite some time now... Thoughts that contain people, expectations, which take a negative turn most of the time. I've been trying to put them away after I wake everyday. It seemed so impossible a task. I have even been half-heartedly trying, what people would term as meditation. But, either I fall asleep again, tired of the struggle, or I just give up and get to my ways of the day. My addiction has been keeping me from making new habits that could be harmful to its existence. I know... some self-discipline is missing. This is a boost to my efforts. Anyways, I now believe something like the following...

As long as you have a mind, you will have thoughts and emotions.
Meditation is bringing the mind back home, and this is first achieved through the practice of mindfulness, of bringing the scattered mind home, and so of bringing the different aspects of our being into focus.

Sogyal Rinpoche

No. I do not have any glimpses of "the world seen only by those who enter the silence beyond thought", to share with you. :) But, this is a good omen. Music is my meditation. Someday I might just be playing and not thinking about anything else while I beat the music out of the skins and metal with my sticks... and you know exactly where to read all about it!

PS: The song I'm trying to pick up is "Come pick me up" by Ryan Adams. An easy one for drums. ;)

Windows

Sunshine in some windows,
the light setting for some.
Windows have hands waving byes or
eyes waiting for someone to come.
Music from some, laughter from others
Screams from a few ignored by neighbours.
Many low and open,
a few high and kept.
Drops of rain in some,
other sills wet with tears wept.
Some curtain loneliness,
some are closed to hide amour.
Queues of people besides some...
wait for the faceless provider
Transparent glass showing off affluence
Glazed glass keeping out the prying eyes
Coloured glass keeping in the colourlessness...                                                                                    

I was in Goa last October and was fascinated by the arc(h)ane windows. Especially one that inspired me to think of a partial story. That one hasn't been typed yet, but I did come up with the above while coding today morning...

Here are the Windows' pictures I'd taken in Panaji and around.


PS: Totally off topic, but on Windows... M$ unleashed another virus on the World, called "Vista" on January the 30th. A cheap copy of the Mac OS's looks thats ages late. With it, the Windows people have become extremely aggresive in its promotion upto the level of being impolite and refusing sale of any new computers without the customers choosing Vista! As usual it is also far more intrusive with your personal information.

I'm ofcourse on my self-customised [& far better looking] Linux-box writing this... :) But here is Free Software Foundation's site about Vista. Support Free Software... Its not about freebies, its about Freedom!

Driven by Dissatisfaction

Today "Mr. Kumar" acknowledged me as a good teacher! He's a person who had, for the past year, been bugging me with comments about how good teachers were in the past & how satisfying it used to be being one.

Oh he finally accepted Me! Wow Man... This is Sweet Success ... !
      ... or is it? Does success lie in social acceptance of ourselves? What am I supposed to do now... Pride myself, put myself on a pedestal and stagnate in self-satisfaction? No... I will stay Dissatisfied.

The chemistry of dissatisfaction is as the chemistry of some marvelously potent tar. In it are the building stones of explosives, stimulants, poisons, opiates, perfumes and stenches.
Eric Hoffer

Great thought, but I wonder why it doesn't include my kind of dissatisfaction!? My dissatisfaction lies in all the existing unhappinness, ignorance and the resulting futility around me... In not having a cure for it or rather people not accepting certain things that might just be a cure. Whereas others are finding their answers in the things Hoffer mentions above, my answer isn't in them. Where is this thing called a "Smile"?! We cannot manufacture a genuine one with chemistry.

The following were to appear in Things people say to me...

"I'm happy with the Life I am living..."
"You need to have satisfaction in Your Life!"
"Don't want to have what you like... Like what you have!"

Ok people... dont give me your conflict-of-thoughts galore. I'm amazed at how you just accept the most convenient ways and measure happiness off it. But, I dont spot the smile on your face when you say all this! I would not be saying anything new if this was an argument. Its just that I can't see the motive behind people saying all these when everyone around is dissatisfied. Find your real self in the dissatisfaction Nature itself is filled with. I know, You'd bloody hate your life if you were really satisfied.

Everyone needs to have something to look forward to doing in Life. Or else is it not the same as Death? I am a driven guy... Driven by dissatisfaction, pain & beauty. I do like what I have and do. I live by inspired volition not coercion. I do not expect any respite from this constant urge to do more & better myself. I know I will stay dissatisfied till the end. Only a Life fully lived has a satisfying end - a welcome Death.

Thank you "Mr. Kumar" for your compliment. Enjoy your satisfied life wallowing in the glory of your past. I wish you had stayed dissatisfied & I had something to complement you for in return.

Seven dead Crows

Written on September 5th, 2006

Another dead crow. This is the sixth body today!
Killed by destiny or crushed by wheels of Time and then a Truck?
Why do crows die? Why do people Die? Do hearts die with them?
I once fell for a fallen one. She landed into my life with a limp.
In the crowd she was alone.
Though forlorn, she Never said she needed me. It was my assumption. My decision to protect her, care for her, make her live longer, happier.
In turn she planted a seed of hope and amazed me at my own positivity!
I'm not a mindreader and her eyes just teased me.
Her silence was unbridgeable for me.
But I was already deafened by my own good thoughts.
Her feelings were unknown to me...
But I was already overcome with my own fantasies.
Her struggles were unfightable for me...
But I was already struggling in my own failing efforts.
She tried to fly, but I couldn't give her the wings.
And one fine day as I hopped upto her box, I noticed her stiffness.
It was unnatural for Life, but a norm if one chooses Death.
That was her choice.
My choice was Nothing - in her Life... in her Death.

Dry flowers and Wet eyes

In Life the Good & Bad don't average out...
They both take toll of your nerves.

I'd have loved to simply leave this thought here, but on popular demand I'll explain... The day before yesterday I was in a village called Panchgaon, near the city of Kolhapur, host to a residential school. These flowers were given to me by two little girls, Arti and Asha. They were girls from a nomadic tribe & the first in their family to ever get to go to school. I won't go into how I did a good job of my 'work' of giving them a few good pieces of knowledge. But, I got my reward through these flowers. The shy beings had impropmtu picked for me the closest beautiful things they could find. In that little while, I had meant something to them to deserve this precious gift! They got me these, as appreciation, as I was wrapping up the after the talk. My smile was then almost about to fade, giving way to thoughts. It came back and was with me as I went through Hell the next day.

Isn't it amazing how smiles and sorrows both bring tears... & yet we are preferential!?

Things people say to me...

And what I want to say to them...

    I imagined you to be older."
                                                                                                                                                       

...the usual response of people who have only heard/read of me. I have no idea if I sound "mature" on phone/paper. Or is it because of the work that I do? & does it imply that I'm not of the 'age' I had once seemed to be?

"You look so young!"

Ok so I am a 28 year 'old' Peter Pan! But Beware - I am a kid upstairs too... more of a Pinocchio! That also explains me being skinny.

"Is there something you Dont know about?"

hehehe... :D Well yeah there's a lot I dont know about or else I'd be running Google...! but need I say that it always pays to be resourceful.

"Shut your mouth. You make me guilty/concious and spoil all the Fun!"

Yeah sure and you can carry on with all your flaws and your highly concious & embarrased soul. I treasure friends who make me concious of the right things. I see their caring in this & its done for my betterment.
     You are getting concious because you do have a weak point. Its upto you to ditch me and find a 'Yes man'. Its a matter of choice. But if you are a friend then yes... just for you, I am working on bettering my words at being your conscience... so that I dont always end up being a spoilsport.

"Don't think too much about people all the time."

Its a challenge to keep all the inputs from your senses at bay. I cant help it if I am sensitive and care for those whom I think about. The brain controls me & its not yet the other way. Its a struggle and I lose everytime. Vicky however confuses me with - "if you cant stop them, let the thoughts come..."

"I can't count on you! / You are not dependable!"

Thanks for the frank complement...& I have to agree with you on this. I guess its an old problem with this guy who's always been forced to keep his heart foremost. In consequence I've always shied away from commitments & failed at mattering properly to people. But, do you Really want to depend on me? Ever tried making it CLEAR to me that you want me to be special to you? I'm a confused guy, but I hope its not Your confusion thats reflecting in this charge.

"You never sleep, do you?"

As a vampire cursed to walk even during the daytime, what do you expect of me? Well... with the energy levels I have and with the numerous minutes to be Lived just passing by, how can I sleep? I do get my naps and need only 5 hours of shuteye!
Only Amit gets to say to me - "Abe jhopu nakos!" [bugger, dont doze off!] :D

"Its time you got married."

...& do what? Excuse Me & go mind ur own business.

"Dude...Go get laid!"

...& how? Excuse Me... are you in the business? :D

Fun with e=mc^2

Here's the powerpoint I made for My talk Today. The title is apparently clear and I hope the point is too after you go through it :) You are free to use it properly.


Thanx: Michael Chabin for idea inputs.

Tere Bin

When my head was filled with thoughts of you.
hen my heart's emotions were meant only for you.
I'd crave you in the darkness & in light.
'd close my eyes and whisper goodnight.
The dawn brought the first thoughts - of you.
he rest of the day i was blind to any view.
How could it be?
ow could there be such times
when you invaded my life, my weaknesses, my dreams...?
OUrs were the words i heard
rs were the words i wrote
The touch I imagined I felt
he sights I could still see
Y were in my arms when she held me...
O made me want to become someone else.
U became the someone i'd never give a name.
are unplugged now.

I'm letting you go coz its better to be alone at the edge of my Blue world. But i'm just across the shadows if you want to reach out.

Inspired by my new desktop configuration I call - "Tere Bin". Have a look...