About Thirty

Something got me thinking about my age last month.
"What is your age?" asked a nubile-sounding female on the other side of the phone. I was quite taken aback as I always remember my age approximately & I certainly don't need to give it out at a moment's notice! You see, I have always been confused by my age. Being 1979 born, I was in my first year and turned one in the zeroeth year of the new decade that was beginning. But my mind always tries to make things even and I always jumble up because I have to add 0 before my birthdate and 1 after it, to the ending digit of the present year, to get the units part of my age! Then I have to remember the decade part of it. It is such a concious calculation when I have to find my age... & it was so this time too.........
"About Thirty..." I blurted out after a few seconds. Too late! Already the joke was on me and I was assured that the query was only for booking my rail ticket.

This was still on my mind when I got on with the rail journey. I remember my first reaction to a kid calling me "Uncle". It was also on a train, but about 8 years back. "Kyon re? Yahan kaun Uncle dikhta hai tujhe?" :D I have already given up since and whichever kid wants to feel very young is now welcome to call me Samir Uncle. I am also tired of telling my students not to call me Samir Sir!

But I'm to write about an "old" habit & of course there's no need to point out that they die hard. During our home return journeys in the college days, most of our guy's gang wouldn't have confirmed tickets. The journeys would be more than 30 hours with us parked in any space which was legally & hygienically allowed on the train. We had to have some timepass & its anybody's guess what it would be. We would reach early and check out the reservation charts for which bogie had the most females in their 20's! That would then be our hangout while our luggage would be under the care of those supersmart people who had cared to reserve tickets 3 months back.

I did the same thing just for kicks and in two portions of my journey I had females "about my age" (eg. F 27, F 28 etc.) in the same coupe. And all of them happenned to have a kid or two of atleast 2 years age! Wow... Is it time I should be feeling Old or Strange? But sadly, they didn't look like they had been F23 or F25 just a few years ago. They did not even talk as much amongst themselves as those college girls during our flirty trips back home. Some kind of seriousness has descended upon them and the compulsory saari seemed to be to keep much more wound in it than it was apparently intended for. Is this the convention now for those about 30? I'm glad to find this missing in me.

I remember admiring someone 30+ recently because she was still freely doing what my mom would never have dreamt of because at her age, she already had a 15 year old kid! Although she accepted the complement, it wasn't without her eyes getting lost beyond me for a moment. The smile it drew was lopsided as if reacting to some irony/sarcasm she might have found hidden in the situation. Ageing singly is fun & tough...

So I am turning thirty this year... Ummm or is that finishing thirty years. Anyways, halfway through a statistical human life its quite early to waste time on an autobiography. Me being a young achiever in many places has had no effect in others breaking my record. And there are older people out there who I can always beat to some post. ;) But its heartening that I am sticking to many of my guns and am quite ready to face the social assaults that will start with the Jeetendra age - thirty plus. Another calculation mistake... My dad was 27 (& not 31) when he married & its gonna be tough to excuse myself saying "Oh you also married late!" I might be the first one to cross thirty amongst my friends' circle. Dont worry people I will let you know how it is to be on the other side...!


PS: I'm sure those pills are not necessary for 20-30 more years :D

My local Valley of Flowers

On some Saturdays when I have a holiday and they don't, I love to take walks in the Government Nursery just behind my workplace. Every month there is something new to see there. It is one of those corners of the city that is almost shrouded by trees. The flora and fauna are so vibrant and variant there. I contain myself in Summers when its dry to let the land prepare for an inundation by the green. Most of my garden's seasonal plants come from there sometime after September. The beautiful blooms of winter are only for a chosen few to see. This time I didn't visit all of Jan and Feb and I was in for a pleasant surprise. The gardeners had simply planted the leftover seasonal flowering saplings in wide rows instead of throwing them away. However, Nature unleashed its compositions and I was instantly transferred to a 'Valley of Flowers' when I stepped into the nursery.

                       Ink on paper is as beautiful to me as flowers on the mountains;
God composes, why shouldn't we?

Audra Foveo-Alba

This picture does make me see the point in the above line that Chikki sent me... It was a complement for the pictures I took at the nursery. Maths and Physics are definitive sciences learnt from the study of Nature and its not Nature who follows our rules in her compositions. The rules themselves are so perfect. There is consistency in all of Nature's patterns. Even though you cannot see all the equations floating around there in the waves, in the flowers, in the faces, in the stars... they are there and I consider myself special to be able to comprehend a sight both ways... to be able to capture it and to be able to write about it.

1st Published Picture

Yes! This is my first Astro picture to be published in a newspaper (Sakal). Of course, whether you realise it or not, it is a great picture.

Catching that slightest of darkening of the Moon during the Partial Lunar Eclipse of Feb 09, 2009 was the aim. A penumbra refers to a partially shaded outer region of a shadow that an object casts. In a Penumbral Eclipse the moon's surface is not completely shadowed by the earth's umbra (the darkest part of a shadow). The moon passes through the faint penumbral portion of the earth's shadow and observers see only the slightest dimming near the lunar limb.

The Moon rose eclipsed on the East horizon as the eclipse started at 18:09 IST... before moonrise. As the Full Moon passed into the outer shadow of the Earth it dimmed slightly, but no shading was visible to the naked eye until about two-thirds of the moon's disk was immersed in the penumbra. In the picture, the faint penumbral shadow of the Earth is on the top left of the Moon's limb. The image appears mirror inverted as it is captured with the 14" reflecting telescope we have in our terrace observatory. In fact this is a very difficult shot as I had to do it hand-held for the lack of a camera-telescope adapter. Considering the required sharpness, I had to stop it at f/5 and hence an exposure of 1/8 sec was the most I could hold steady. Although the cropping is not ok, the sharpness for me is surprisingly & pleasurably good.

Here is a pic of the Eclipsed Moonrise.



I am now looking forward to the Total Solar Eclipse of July 22 morning and the Partial Lunar Eclipse of December 31 night. These will give us a good chance to celebrate this UN declared International Year of Astronomy.

Salsa - I

Finally I get to show off my Salsa (which I accept is not very good... yet)
I have been teaching Abha, my partner, for a year now and I am glad she took up the challenge of going on-stage with me. It was quite an experience choreographing the dance below from whatever moves we have learnt by ourselves. The track we sway to was Abha's choice and we set up the steps together. As usual, our common work-at-the-last-moment natures and the multitasking we do just about allowed us to get 2-3 final rehearsals before the performance on the December 29, 2008 evening. We celebrated IUCAA's 20th foundation day with this dance. Watch...!

PS: I named this post Salsa-I on the lines of Chandrayaan-1

House Improvement

My friends Susmita, Saumyadip and me had for a while been contemplating temporarily adorning some part of my house. The colourful flowers don't seem enough after while. The outside has a lovely earthy brown colour - a perfect background for a Warli painting. I wanted to paint the walls with some temporary paint which would go if I didn't like the result. Sus and Saumya also noticed that my curved porch with three steps is also alluring for a Rangoli or Alpana artist.

So on Diwali afternoon, quitting our lethargy, we took it on ourselves to finally do something about our wishes. Obviously, rice paste was required for both. A design was formed sitting right there by the experienced old Saumya. Under his "direction" Sus was set to work with a small rag dipped in the batter. To make an Alpana, one soaks up some of rice paste in a cloth piece and applies a wet line of it on the floor according to design. It takes a few minutes for it to dry and the enamel-white design to spring out of the floor. I tried my hand at the window sill with a brush. Soon another friend, Samridhi, joined in and made an easy job of the rest of the area.

My talent is yet to reach those heights and so I was the spot-boy-cum-producer of the show. My painting skills are ofcourse with light and there was still some time to admire the lovely Alpana at my footsteps before I could begin my work. I spent the evening clicking some of these pictures of the Diwali celebrations. I consider the Beer-can Kandil as my place in the All-Winners line up on my doorfront.


Update: Tanu too visited me soon and finally put a Warli thingie on my door in her own inimitable way.

Friday Night Vampires

They descend from the sunset
casting seductive silhouettes
and opiate smells.
Stressed out in the caves
they've been craving this flight.
They'd die to be alive again.
I'm the chosen feast this friday night.
The first draw from the willing puppet...
Fangs of queries laced with chemicals to dilate,                                 
puncture me at a thousand places,
tear open the veins & out gush the juices.
The multiple jabs, the repeated pain.
It thrills me to see
my glowing blood in their veins.
Attached to their suckers,
the drained body is raised high.
An used object ecstatic out of abuse,
screaming out in a secretive sigh.
The flash of the whip
of their sadistic master - Time
releases me as they scoot away.
Its now their turn to be the victim.
But, instantly I tumble...
Its not a flight coz I can't descend.
The night is still dark.
The floor isnt there until I see it.

And hence I look forward to a weekEnd to share with Jim after a long time.

The Moths

A white flurry of moths battering themselves against the floodlight. My mind is ringed by white circles of thought, like the moths, streaking and curving around the light. Every flight comes to an abrupt halt against the white burning barrier of injustice. At least they are foolish not to realise it. What is it that they cannot resist? Do they seek a promise - of warmth, of incredible beauty, of a happiness beyond the invisible, blinding boundaries?

I wonder how often I am like them, fatuous and suicidal? I struggle to pass up the temptations that life puts forth. I cant resist the enticement of pleasure which has so often been denied. I cant escape all these things that hurt. Throughout the Night I smack the glass, desperatly trying to get closer to that glory, that pride, that bliss. The Darkness walls my vision and I see myself from a surreal, privileged point of view. I imagine floating above it all as if to escape the bounds of life's trivialities.

Why does the evident self-immolation appear as an accomplishment to me? Why do I fancy this manner of seeking recongnition? The glory is only for me, short lived - just like me. Death does not appear dark. Its an alluring halo of light waiting for my embrace, to which I want to fly. But, unlike them death is denied to me and penitence takes over.

In the morning there is no glory, only dry husks and charred wings - an ashy residue of thoughts.

Childhood's End

One moment, one hurt and I decide
to brush all the good ones aside.
6 pellets go inside,
into a slumber I slide.
In death I will hide
nothing to hurt my pride.                                                                  

She was angry. She was hurt. No one will know the cause now. But what she did in response was surely not what she intended. I can only try and imagine how it must feel to see the death you have chosen, coming slowly and you not being able to undo your choice. Her last moment cries for help and the pleas to save her, sliced the hearts of those who knew nothing could be done now. All the pain you are leaving your close, needy ones in... All the broken trust of those who could have helped you... All your talent at living life, dying with you... Do these make you want to die faster? Do you wish for another childhood like this one, which you did not really want to end?

R.I.P. Himan.





The other sudden & big loss last week... Sir Arthur C. Clarke, my hero and the author of "Childhood's End" amongst many other books that I have grown up with.

R.I.P. ACC... Replacement Impossible.

Linger

The black night still passes
though not as fluid as the motion
the taste is in the veins
though the wine stains the cushion
the heart still pounds
though the candle's snuffed out
the tear still rolls
though the sweat has dried out
the mind is still consumed
though the hunger has changed
the scent of secrets still lingers
though we live estranged                                                                  

Bitter-sweet, Averagely good etc. are the words I use to describe the year that is ending. But the lingering memories have matured me a lot. And so have my deeper, more caring interactions with the people in my life. I wish for them and the memories to linger for long.

The New Pinup-Girl

She's the One! Was born to be the One! ...Always will be... till the next one comes along...!

Oh its not the beauty in the picture that I am talking about [see end]. This is about something much hotter...

Global Warming! The Science-praising/bashing, controversy-raising, Nobel-winning, issue of the decade.

An award-winning film is out - "The Inconvenient Truth". An Indian scientist gets a shared Nobel prize. And Global warming is suddenly in the limelight. But its not Gore's or Pachauri's fame that perturbs me. It is the way one or the other issue is always hyped out of proportions and is then left hanging without a conclusion as another more exciting threat to the the world is afoot! Just like a hot new starlet, there are more films to be made on that subject that will sell so much more if it is hyped.

Let me draw your attention to a few issues I have seen while growing up. These are all issues that are very important still & need to be given attention on an equal priority

Cancer - As a really small kid, there was always the talk of cancer. Mostly the one due to smoking and use of tobacco. I made my dad give up tobacco. But have seen many others fall to throat cancer from their addictions. There are ofcourse other cancers which too are still without cure and taking their toll. But tobacco induced cancer is something that a person can spread. The number of commercials showing actual ill effects of smoking and those educating cures of cancer are gone off the media. Oh yes... there are some ads about breast cancer, & I do hope they reach and better the lives of those few that watch cable television.

Drugs - When I was in school, TV used to make me feel that every one of those young guys on the streets was a druggie! Now india seems to be totally cured of this disease... only because we do not have youngsters injecting their groins and sniffing hash in filthy nooks or besides rail tracks. The problem is gone... from where it could be in the public's eye. Drugs are still rampant behind closed doors or in villages where noone peeps. There still are unemployed (or temporarily employed in BPOs) youth falling into the well of drugs thinking they will get high!

Population - This is in my view the most serious issue that concerns the World today and always... Overuse of resources by an uncontrolled population of a dominant species. Almost all evil that we see happening around is due to this. It was high on the propaganda just a few years ago, but its mellowed now. People slowly realise that the more kids they have, the more troubles they will have in their life. And they have other sources of entertaiment than sex. But are we really cured? The average number of kids might still take some time to reduce to 3 per couple. The issue will also need more coverage on the media to be effective sooner. I ve heard that a "Condom" publicity campaign is on I hope it is not the stereotyped gaonwali-behenji-prescribes-Mala-D ad or another steamy Kamasutra ad.

Ozone Hole - First thing... Its Not a hole in the atmosphere on top of your head... and it does not happen only over polluting cities! Ozone layer depletion does NOT cause Global Warming! It is a totally different natural disaster.
The "Hole" was detected as a reduction in the ozone layer over the North and South Poles. This 30% reduction could in future spread to lower latitudes. The misconceived notion is that due to it you will soon get skin cancer while sunbathing or later even when going to school! No... SPF100 sunscreen is not the way to escape the ozone hole! The problem will arise from the krill in the oceans & life stock on land getting ill. If it affects plants then we are done for. This will cause famine and endanger the generations to come before you even feel the symptoms of cancer. The causes of course are related to human activities. We have already been tackling it by reduced use of ODS. But the ozone Hole isn't shrinking!!! It is still as serious a problem as Global warming and we will only see in a decade which we should be thinking more about.

OK...
I know it is impossible to be uninformed about all this. But its easy to be misinformed. Moreover, disillusioned by disappearance of the hot topic we might just assume that the danger has passed. Well dear fellows... it hasn't. Its only that WE get less news about it because WE want variety in our coffee-table discussions. Let us not treat Life like films and ask for a new pinup topic every year. Let us keep following, in our capacities, at least one of the problems that can really affect us.

Of course I am not to forget... Laetitia Casta has finally made it to The Swank Pad! She has always been and will be the best pinup girl for me :)