The Swank Pad

Radiant

2010-08-19T18:53:00.022+05:30

Conversation on Radiation

Friend A:- We have this information
      She has started her radiation
Friend B:- Radiation I hear is lousy
      It makes you off mood and drowsy
A:- You feel at times nauseated
      And more often agitated
B:- The 'blues' surely get you
      You are snappy too, I bet you.
A:- Lets stay away for a while
      Till she's again able to smile
B:- No! this is when she needs us
      She's happy when she feeds us
      So lets visit her with a smile
      And be with her for a while

A+B:- Hi there! How are you doing?
Patient N:- Just fine! And what are you doing?
B:- We just dropped by to say Hi!
      And after you smile we'll say 'Bye'!
N:- Oh thats nice to know!
      I tried to call thrice you know
      To come and share my experience
      I have this wonderful radiance!
      You know just how I acquired it?
      The Radio-therapist fired it!
      Those radio-active rays brilliant
      Can Radiation make you anything but Radiant?
A:- Gosh! You've got a sense of humour.
      Who'd think t'was a malignant tumour?
      How come Radiation doesnt affect you?
N:- There's God in there to protect you.
      See him in the Devil and you wont be harmed.
      You know he's there, you feel well armed.
      He's the power in every might
      He's the Light in every 'Light'!
      The Radiation is because of Him.
      He's full and bright and never ever dim.
      Even through Radiation His love is abundant,
      Then can Radiation make you anything but Radiant?

Nargis / Nutan

It isn't usual to quote someone else as a post itself. But I found this very touching poem at the Tata Memorial Hospital today, which I was told was either by the Late Nargis Dutt or Nutan (will confirm this). They both went through similar things that dad is going through. Patient N, and hundreds like her, have been in the same hallway where this beautiful painting by her hangs. Each of them have passed through the treatment with a different attitude. But these words show exactly what each of them go through. They don't change my views on God, but the power of faith in producing happiness is admirable. In the past few months, the discovery of the abundant measures of positivity, tolerance and strength in my dad has been an inspiring eyeopener. Yet, standing in front of this, absorbing the last line, I felt small, tiny, helpless... May the Light make him Radiant.

A Theft

2010-08-14T06:32:00.002+05:30

Was he black or white?
Were the intentions good or bad?
What was he after? Nothing precious seems to be taken...

The Alchemists potion, Midas' stone,
Pandora's box, even yesterday's wishbone...
All lie Untouched, Unearthed, Alone.

A dark brown hair strand on the window sill is the only rem(a)inder.

His presence, heavy as a Myth now.
But he wasn't the Piper as the mice still scuttle around.
Neither the Khan - he didnt take his silk gown.

All that is gone is a shock of my hair which he took without a knife, just shining a Light in my face.

The Bus journeys to Mumbai have been frequent and somewhat unwanted as I see my dad changing bit by bit in looks due to the Radiation and Chemotherapy doses. Its sad to see him go bald. I wonder what he feels...

Dancing with Shadows

2010-04-07T02:29:00.005+05:30

A salsa of loneliness
the music made in my mind,
partnered by my shadow,
the only other of my kind

Missing the laughter
the flush of inertia,
burgundy swirls and
the latin hair

Arms apart, hand in hand
stick to the 8 beat
Tethered to the allegiance -
conforming coterminous feet

Particles of hope
follow my lead
Moving with mirror energy,
covet a bond to be freed

No tears,
pain pours out as Summer.
Insanity is tempted by
the accelerated promise of the drummer

Moving in and out of light
the purple weed of the night
swaying into a trance
is stomped down
... as I rise and DANCE!

It's been a while since I danced... especially the passionate Rumba beat variants like Salsa. The problem with ball dances is that you require a consistent partner to be good at them, which is not an easy find. However... more than dances, partners etc. , its most excrutiating when I miss time with me... my Shadow. Craving for some this weekend...

A Dive not regretted

2010-01-31T17:51:00.032+05:30

She rose out of her ocean, knowing very well that she had to go back, and came crashing onto me - a strong, sultry sinuous wave. Unexpectedly overwhelmed, I didn't stop to think. Submerged in the swirling salty pools of passion, we made 'Love' try to drown itself for its inadequacy to describe us. Our souls floated like fragrant fronds of mist on the surface, trying to breathe for us. We knew she had to go, yet promises were made in duplicate upon the stars reflected on the waters. The wish to keep it a short, sweet secret disappeared with the froth. The night grew older without us ... Then Time yawned at twilight. At the first harsh rays of reality, she left. I was unable to stop her then and later foolishly stretched the seas all day with the tides. At last I finished my 'Mystery of the Drowning Sun', but was left back only with sheets stained red.

No, this is not a passage out of a M&B. Just something I fantasised up to beat the yellow-grey 4 pm heat at the Tarkarli beach where I happened to be lying. I had just come out of a dive and various elements of it were floating in my head... & so I used up all references to the Sea I could remember.

It was a thrilling day... the beginning of my underwater life maybe. My first try at Snorkelling. It was an especially good start as I could dive by & below the ramparts of one of India's most beautiful sea-forts, Sindhudurg. [Map here]

The Sunday morning begged me to stay away from the regular beachy crowd and try out something new. Getting to the west-facing Chiwla beach is itself a joy when you walk through the coconut lined streets of Malvan. People gave various estimates from 10 minutes to ten kilometers... but I suppose its about a kilometer North of the Malvan Jetty and two from the Bus Terminus. A walk is always good as its nice to suddenly come upon this very beautiful beach and just plop down in the sand cooling your heels, literally.

For a focussed programme like Snorkelling, its always good to fix up with some pros to begin with. We were lucky to get the acquaintance of the very experienced group run by Anway Prabhu, who himself is a good diver and quite familiar with the seas around Malvan. If you choose to snorkel close to Chiwla, you have the option to dive near the rock garden. A boat is arranged that takes you a kilometer in the sea and there you get onto a stationary boat that is to be your base. On this, the basics of snorkelling are explained by the divers already in the water and then the kits are distributed. Depending on the diver guides present, one person is assigned to each. The kit itself is a simple setup of a tube with valves which you have to use to breathe through your mouth. The other part is a mask with tempered-glass covered eye-holes for good underwater vision and a sealed enclosure for your nose, so you can forget that it exists. Take two minutes to familiarise yourself and its an easy job henceforth.

I was quite favoured by the tides that day as they rose & it became difficult to see much after the first group returned. So we travelled to shallower waters on the sides of Sindhudurg! That was like living a fantasy. Just a few years back I was here with Amit on one of our first memorable, independent trips and there I was today about to dive to the base of the same sea fortress! A 5-km boat ride got us to the site. I put on my kit and got into those waters that had eluded me on the previous trip...

Although the Arabian sea is opaque & greenish on the Indian coastline, it is quite clear where shallow. That was my first reaction when I stuck my masked head underwater - its all so clear! I was suddenly in a new fluid, green world. The refraction of light makes everything come closer to you. The lapping waves on the surface catch the sunlight and send arrows of it shooting past you into the depths below. I was floating mesmerised by this when I suddenly came across my first Zebra fish! I had been made to float with a lifebuoy and hence was flat on my tummy. It was swimming right under me... followed by another. It was tough to believe that this was real. I did a thumbs-up to Anway, who was pointing out things to me. I had been told to refrain from speaking or moaning when looking down, for obvious reasons. But soon many fish varieties kept showing up & I don't know how Anway was seeing them as well as telling me what they were. I could see his finger pointing and his voice identifying them. Lets see, how many of them I remember having seen... the striped yellow & black Zebra fish (I doubt the identification), a Clown fish (Nemo!), a few Parrot fish pecking at the rocks, various types of Butterfly fish, the flat Angel fish, the Surgeon fish with its scalpel-like spine, the transparent, small Glass fish & a beautiful Coral Grouper.

Getting to see the last one was an experience in itself. We had turned away from the fort at some point and now were in 10-15 feet of water when Anway suddenly disappeared. He resurfaced with a tubular brown floppy 'thing' and told me to touch it. I hesitated first as it was almost alien! But it turned out to be just a Sea-cucumber and I was thrilled as I'd read about it recently in a book by A.C.Clarke (in fact I was so eager to snorkel coz of that book). He went down to replace it and I was waiting with an irrefutable request when he was back. I wanted to see some corals and dive without the float... & he had to teach me now or else I'd write badly about his group on my blog ;)

I was dragged through a shoal of glass fish and to a place where I could vaguely see some shapes down below. Off came the float and with a deep breath (a mistake), in I went to the floor with my feet skyward. Travelling 15 feet in a second or so, the pressure around my ears must have doubled and I had the sense to give out air through my mouth. Although it blurred my vision it saved my ears. I was told later that this needs to be done through the nose but I did fine for the purpose. However, the rewards of the dive were in the next second, when I came across a big brown Montipora (a genus of coral) spread like a giant oyster mushroom with a white lining. I reached out to touch it but did not press on it (as corals are fragile and take thousands of years to form what we see today). That was when I noticed the Coral Grouper lurking there. It was one of the most beautiful fishes I saw... Translucent brown with electric blue dots, it made me miss my camera for the first time in the day. But my mind clicked all the while as I came out of my dive.

It was wonderful to see the sunlight and get some air through my nose as I pulled up my mask. My first dive in the open sea was over and now it was time to explore some more shallows and get out. But not before thanking Anway again, who had been constantly dragging me to the right places and pointing out many fishes to me. The boat ride back, drying the salty water off my hair & my sunburnt back, saw all of us still in a reverie. I guess we hadn't had our fill as a few of us dived off the boat a few hundred meters from shore and swam in to tell the others what they had missed.

Update:
Here's the Calling card for Anway Underwater Service
Anway Prabhu : [ 9823857576 / 9766420038 ]
& a nice site for sea fish identification.

Dependence

2009-12-26T16:34:00.040+05:30

Waking up with a start she waited to get back to her dependence on the senses while the contents of the dream evaporated. If he had awakened then, she would surely have stayed in bed, depending on his embrace for comfort. She paused, depending on hope, which let her down as always. Slowly slipping out of the quilt, she stepped towards the light. Each time her bare foot touched the cold floor, it took her away from the dependences for warmth, love, protection, understanding...

Opening the door, she stepped out of that room of dependences, just as she had from another dark, warm one decades back. She felt the icy pricks of the chilly wind on her unclothed body. Were the tears that ensued due to pain or was it the joy of a sweet victory? The sky was on fire at the horizon and blazed red as the Sun rose to feed all its dependants. But the warmth inside her was from knowing that she was alone, alive and free. She revelled in the high of her first moment of independence during this submission to depending that she called 'Life'.

I recently passed through a period when I let myself be dependent too. I was on a trip to South Africa - my first international trip - and was in some kind of a trance, that I let others take my responsibility. I was not very happy to do it, but it was a trial for a month, a trial of trust, patience and maybe Hope.

In the first few days, I was amazed to see how many of my old fears came back and how fast! The fear of loss was the foremost I guess. After a long time I felt a sort of attachment to my sources of support. I was foolishly happy not to need to think about myself and to be completely clueless about whats next. Dependence leads to possessiveness as you want to constantly depend. I could see it coming true right in front of my eyes. I suddenly felt the need for someone to be there by me all the time. All my logic etc. failed and I succumbed to a strange craving. The horizons of my world, that I have worked hard to expand to the farthest reaches of the Universe, suddenly collapsed and shrunk, to Me, my needs, my hunger, my safety and some more Me. It took a shock to jolt me out of this headlong dive. Well, with my eyes washed, I could carry on mostly by myself, but it was a great lesson to see how one stays vulnerable to fears and other weaknesses.

I am thankful to all who actually helped me in this time of dependence, But I still maintain, as I had years back... "Of all the things I want in life, Independence is the key." I sprung back and here I am again, Fearless.

But I guess dependences are plain addictive for some and not easy to rid oneself of. The result is that, despite all wisdom, a real story would finish like this...

...Only human, she went back in, gave in to the accosting dependences, and paid for it.

I had some more thoughts during the lot of time that I had to kill back in Lazy SA. Hope, I've always felt, is a daydream of a positive mind. One does not depend on a dream... they are random & unpredictable. In fact one cannot depend on Life either, which is just as unpredictable. But people live in dream worlds with flimsy foundations, expecting them to materialise. Every moment of their life is spent expecting something from an unknown source. I have discovered this through bitter experiences and still see everybody go through it. I wonder why they do so? I wonder why people pray? A Wish or a Prayer is a petition to 'God' for something one wants. A display of an undue dependence to a something you imagine exists. All unreal, this faith even blinds one to the more dependable ones around. The Self, which might be the most useful in adverse situations is totally forgotten. The limits that you cross during adversities are your own and you are the only one to help yourself for sure, unless you wait in false faith for something to happen. Phew... its futile to tell everyone this though.

To end, I feel Nature is all-pervading and the only dependable one. But dependable for what...? For Knowledge. The universe is simply so huge that there is always something to discover, observe and wonder about, independent of the person you are with, the place you are in, how the weather is etc. That is one quest you cannot even depend on Google for. :)

Art of Living

2009-12-08T12:19:00.007+05:30

So the confession is that after ranting so many times against what new the AOL (or any other spiritual) course can teach ME, I went for it! The reasons were quite compelling I would say, the prime being some sorrow and a lot of anger. I was looking for more control. Having noticed how breath is the first thing we lose control over when affected by emotions, I needed a method to get its reins back in my hand when I wanted. With two recommendations in mind, for AOL (from vik & chik), I went for a "weekend crash course"!

I have promised (as does everyone who does the course and maybe keeps their word due to the goodness that the time spent inspires) not to tell exact details of what happens in the course. But I can write about what I learnt. One thing is sure that the end state of the Sudarshan Kriya can only be achieved with time.

I agree with...

Meditation ... (is) entering a trance
because of the ridiculousness of repetition.
Wendy Wasserstein

This was my first concious try at meditation, but there surely was a need for coerced repetition of certain actions that leads the body to first revolt against this unusual boredom brought upon it. Following this sweaty fight however, like a tired wild horse, it relents and gives in to the relaxed state in which the breath is under your control. Now, to get the real benefits, you have to get the body addicted to this control and the way a regulated pattern can make the happenings around you affect you less.

Since October, I have tried it in office, at terminals, on a bus, a train and a plane too! But as usual, perseverance not being my virtue, I've discontinued the regular Kriya as prescribed. "All we ask is for you to breathe for half an hour every day", said the teacher at AOL... but who has the time to breathe? ;) However, I have not totally failed as I see a marked difference in my calmness and patience when I consciously attend to my breathing. I notice quite a few extra smiles on my lips and a certain extra confidence about the decisions taken with lungs full of regular breath. This is an addiction I'm glad to have & hope it does good to others around me.

Her Perfume

2009-08-23T18:42:00.002+05:30

He lay there amongst his collection of half used bottles of perfumes...
Tears streamed over the wet pillow towards his outstretched hand that held the empty bottle...

Apratim

2009-07-27T17:29:00.005+05:30

I've always struggled with Marathi... and so, to bring a Marathi adjective out of me, the cause had to be Apratim... Incomparable.

The time was 06h:28m:30s on the 22nd July 2009. The place was the terrace of a local school in Bihar Sharif, India. The cause was the 2nd Diamond Ring from the spectacular Total Solar Eclipse I had just witnessed. I am now proudly, one of the few people in India who actually wanted to, travelled for and saw the eclipse.

Here is a video of the indescribable hysteria which prevailed...

You will if you Will

2009-04-26T00:33:00.012+05:30

Everyone knows that any activity intellectual or manual is tiring. Usually we make it a practise to halt for while as soon as we get fatigued. when some unusual stimulus fills us with emotional excitement or some unusual idea or necessity take us onward, the fatigue is overcome upto a certain point. Then, gradually or suddenly it passes away and we are fresher than before! We tap a new source of energy from which we obtain amounts of ease and power that we never dreamt we possessed. Sources of strength habitually never traced, because we never push through the obstruction of fatigue.

Only exceptional individuals move mountains and cross oceans, not literally but in reality. To what do these physiological wonders owe their escape from the habit of inferiority to our full self? If they were asked, the answer would always be "Willpower". Some would argue that the "Will" is a general property. Yes, it is the normal opener of everybodys inner eyes to the deeper layers of explosive energy. But the difficulty is how to tap it, to make the effort that the word implies.

"Will" is key to success even to students. It could improve our performance in studies, extra curricular activities and social life. It is observed that a single successful effort of moral ~~voilation~~ (volition) or performing some bold or courageous act, can launch a man on a higher level. He feels elevated and more confident. We could also make this effort and use the new range of power to achieve the unimaginable. Another discipline to keep our energy levels constant, at reach, is resolution. It consists of solemnly promising ourselves to perform any sought out task and finish it successfully. It is found, that positive thinking and self-encouragement cause our brain to release such harmones that increases our levels of sustainance manifold. Many sports person and other laureates claim to have won because they believed in themselves. Their "Will" and determination revealed to them, to be much stronger than was supposed. If this could edge them to victory, why not us!

Most of us could easily incorporate the use of the "Will" into our lifestyles, if we try, we can maintain an equilibrium in our efficiency, on astonishingly different levels of work, no matter what its direction - physical, mental, moral or spiritual. Our organs would adapt itself to a more active rate of energy.

The correct use of the "Will" could profit not only ourselves, but also contribute largely towards the rapid development of an advanced and peaceful future. Peaceful because our "Will" spontaneously activates our conscience, hiding us from indulging in cruelty and other wrong acts. Our world now stands here because of the active wills of a few individuals, who have exiled inertia, and it is in this instance, it is the will at work. But, if our whole generation were to awaken to their Willpower, our world would be perfect.

...Samir Dhurde (B.Sc. F.Y.)
[sic, As it appeared in our college magazine in April 1999]

PS: "Volition" was one word I was sure the editors would goof up and I couldn't but grin when, 'voila', they did!

About Thirty

2009-04-03T00:27:00.005+05:30

Something got me thinking about my age last month.
"What is your age?" asked a nubile-sounding female on the other side of the phone. I was quite taken aback as I always remember my age approximately & I certainly don't need to give it out at a moment's notice! You see, I have always been confused by my age. Being 1979 born, I was in my first year and turned one in the zeroeth year of the new decade that was beginning. But my mind always tries to make things even and I always jumble up because I have to add 0 before my birthdate and 1 after it, to the ending digit of the present year, to get the units part of my age! Then I have to remember the decade part of it. It is such a concious calculation when I have to find my age... & it was so this time too.........
"About Thirty..." I blurted out after a few seconds. Too late! Already the joke was on me and I was assured that the query was only for booking my rail ticket.

This was still on my mind when I got on with the rail journey. I remember my first reaction to a kid calling me "Uncle". It was also on a train, but about 8 years back. "Kyon re? Yahan kaun Uncle dikhta hai tujhe?" :D I have already given up since and whichever kid wants to feel very young is now welcome to call me Samir Uncle. I am also tired of telling my students not to call me Samir Sir!

But I'm to write about an "old" habit & of course there's no need to point out that they die hard. During our home return journeys in the college days, most of our guy's gang wouldn't have confirmed tickets. The journeys would be more than 30 hours with us parked in any space which was legally & hygienically allowed on the train. We had to have some timepass & its anybody's guess what it would be. We would reach early and check out the reservation charts for which bogie had the most females in their 20's! That would then be our hangout while our luggage would be under the care of those supersmart people who had cared to reserve tickets 3 months back.

I did the same thing just for kicks and in two portions of my journey I had females "about my age" (eg. F 27, F 28 etc.) in the same coupe. And all of them happenned to have a kid or two of atleast 2 years age! Wow... Is it time I should be feeling Old or Strange? But sadly, they didn't look like they had been F23 or F25 just a few years ago. They did not even talk as much amongst themselves as those college girls during our flirty trips back home. Some kind of seriousness has descended upon them and the compulsory saari seemed to be to keep much more wound in it than it was apparently intended for. Is this the convention now for those about 30? I'm glad to find this missing in me.

I remember admiring someone 30+ recently because she was still freely doing what my mom would never have dreamt of because at her age, she already had a 15 year old kid! Although she accepted the complement, it wasn't without her eyes getting lost beyond me for a moment. The smile it drew was lopsided as if reacting to some irony/sarcasm she might have found hidden in the situation. Ageing singly is fun & tough...

So I am turning thirty this year... Ummm or is that finishing thirty years. Anyways, halfway through a statistical human life its quite early to waste time on an autobiography. Me being a young achiever in many places has had no effect in others breaking my record. And there are older people out there who I can always beat to some post. ;) But its heartening that I am sticking to many of my guns and am quite ready to face the social assaults that will start with the Jeetendra age - thirty plus. Another calculation mistake... My dad was 27 (& not 31) when he married & its gonna be tough to excuse myself saying "Oh you also married late!" I might be the first one to cross thirty amongst my friends' circle. Dont worry people I will let you know how it is to be on the other side...!

PS: I'm sure those pills are not necessary for 20-30 more years :D

My local Valley of Flowers

2009-03-07T17:45:00.017+05:30

On some Saturdays when I have a holiday and they don't, I love to take walks in the Government Nursery just behind my workplace. Every month there is something new to see there. It is one of those corners of the city that is almost shrouded by trees. The flora and fauna are so vibrant and variant there. I contain myself in Summers when its dry to let the land prepare for an inundation by the green. Most of my garden's seasonal plants come from there sometime after September. The beautiful blooms of winter are only for a chosen few to see. This time I didn't visit all of Jan and Feb and I was in for a pleasant surprise. The gardeners had simply planted the leftover seasonal flowering saplings in wide rows instead of throwing them away. However, Nature unleashed its compositions and I was instantly transferred to a 'Valley of Flowers' when I stepped into the nursery.

Ink on paper is as beautiful to me as flowers on the mountains;
God composes, why shouldn't we?

Audra Foveo-Alba

This picture does make me see the point in the above line that Chikki sent me... It was a complement for the pictures I took at the nursery. Maths and Physics are definitive sciences learnt from the study of Nature and its not Nature who follows our rules in her compositions. The rules themselves are so perfect. There is consistency in all of Nature's patterns. Even though you cannot see all the equations floating around there in the waves, in the flowers, in the faces, in the stars... they are there and I consider myself special to be able to comprehend a sight both ways... to be able to capture it and to be able to write about it.

1st Published Picture

2009-02-12T20:33:00.006+05:30

Yes! This is my first Astro picture to be published in a newspaper (Sakal). Of course, whether you realise it or not, it is a great picture.

Catching that slightest of darkening of the Moon during the Partial Lunar Eclipse of Feb 09, 2009 was the aim. A penumbra refers to a partially shaded outer region of a shadow that an object casts. In a Penumbral Eclipse the moon's surface is not completely shadowed by the earth's umbra (the darkest part of a shadow). The moon passes through the faint penumbral portion of the earth's shadow and observers see only the slightest dimming near the lunar limb.

The Moon rose eclipsed on the East horizon as the eclipse started at 18:09 IST... before moonrise. As the Full Moon passed into the outer shadow of the Earth it dimmed slightly, but no shading was visible to the naked eye until about two-thirds of the moon's disk was immersed in the penumbra. In the picture, the faint penumbral shadow of the Earth is on the top left of the Moon's limb. The image appears mirror inverted as it is captured with the 14" reflecting telescope we have in our terrace observatory. In fact this is a very difficult shot as I had to do it hand-held for the lack of a camera-telescope adapter. Considering the required sharpness, I had to stop it at f/5 and hence an exposure of 1/8 sec was the most I could hold steady. Although the cropping is not ok, the sharpness for me is surprisingly & pleasurably good.

Here is a pic of the Eclipsed Moonrise.

I am now looking forward to the Total Solar Eclipse of July 22 morning and the Partial Lunar Eclipse of December 31 night. These will give us a good chance to celebrate this UN declared International Year of Astronomy.

Salsa - I

2009-01-14T00:30:00.009+05:30

Finally I get to show off my Salsa (which I accept is not very good... yet)
I have been teaching Abha, my partner, for a year now and I am glad she took up the challenge of going on-stage with me. It was quite an experience choreographing the dance below from whatever moves we have learnt by ourselves. The track we sway to was Abha's choice and we set up the steps together. As usual, our common work-at-the-last-moment natures and the multitasking we do just about allowed us to get 2-3 final rehearsals before the performance on the December 29, 2008 evening. We celebrated IUCAA's 20th foundation day with this dance. Watch...!

PS: I named this post Salsa-I on the lines of Chandrayaan-1

House Improvement

2008-10-30T19:07:00.003+05:30

My friends Susmita, Saumyadip and me had for a while been contemplating temporarily adorning some part of my house. The colourful flowers don't seem enough after while. The outside has a lovely earthy brown colour - a perfect background for a Warli painting. I wanted to paint the walls with some temporary paint which would go if I didn't like the result. Sus and Saumya also noticed that my curved porch with three steps is also alluring for a Rangoli or Alpana artist.

So on Diwali afternoon, quitting our lethargy, we took it on ourselves to finally do something about our wishes. Obviously, rice paste was required for both. A design was formed sitting right there by the experienced old Saumya. Under his "direction" Sus was set to work with a small rag dipped in the batter. To make an Alpana, one soaks up some of rice paste in a cloth piece and applies a wet line of it on the floor according to design. It takes a few minutes for it to dry and the enamel-white design to spring out of the floor. I tried my hand at the window sill with a brush. Soon another friend, Samridhi, joined in and made an easy job of the rest of the area.

My talent is yet to reach those heights and so I was the spot-boy-cum-producer of the show. My painting skills are ofcourse with light and there was still some time to admire the lovely Alpana at my footsteps before I could begin my work. I spent the evening clicking some of these pictures of the Diwali celebrations. I consider the Beer-can Kandil as my place in the All-Winners line up on my doorfront.

Update: Tanu too visited me soon and finally put a Warli thingie on my door in her own inimitable way.

Friday Night Vampires

2008-05-31T01:36:00.008+05:30

They descend from the sunset
casting seductive silhouettes
and opiate smells.
Stressed out in the caves
they've been craving this flight.
They'd die to be alive again.
I'm the chosen feast this friday night.
The first draw from the willing puppet...
Fangs of queries laced with chemicals to dilate,
puncture me at a thousand places,
tear open the veins & out gush the juices.
The multiple jabs, the repeated pain.
It thrills me to see
my glowing blood in their veins.
Attached to their suckers,
the drained body is raised high.
An used object ecstatic out of abuse,
screaming out in a secretive sigh.
The flash of the whip
of their sadistic master - Time
releases me as they scoot away.
Its now their turn to be the victim.
But, instantly I tumble...
Its not a flight coz I can't descend.
The night is still dark.
The floor isnt there until I see it.

And hence I look forward to a weekEnd to share with Jim after a long time.

Childhood's End

2008-03-26T20:10:00.005+05:30

One moment, one hurt and I decide
to brush all the good ones aside.
6 pellets go inside,
into a slumber I slide.
In death I will hide
nothing to hurt my pride.

She was angry. She was hurt. No one will know the cause now. But what she did in response was surely not what she intended. I can only try and imagine how it must feel to see the death you have chosen, coming slowly and you not being able to undo your choice. Her last moment cries for help and the pleas to save her, sliced the hearts of those who knew nothing could be done now. All the pain you are leaving your close, needy ones in... All the broken trust of those who could have helped you... All your talent at living life, dying with you... Do these make you want to die faster? Do you wish for another childhood like this one, which you did not really want to end?

R.I.P. Himan.

The other sudden & big loss last week... Sir Arthur C. Clarke, my hero and the author of "Childhood's End" amongst many other books that I have grown up with.

R.I.P. ACC... Replacement Impossible.

Linger

2007-12-26T20:35:00.001+05:30

The black night still passes
though not as fluid as the motion
the taste is in the veins
though the wine stains the cushion
the heart still pounds
though the candle's snuffed out
the tear still rolls
though the sweat has dried out
the mind is still consumed
though the hunger has changed
the scent of secrets still lingers
though we live estranged

Bitter-sweet, Averagely good etc. are the words I use to describe the year that is ending. But the lingering memories have matured me a lot. And so have my deeper, more caring interactions with the people in my life. I wish for them and the memories to linger for long.

The New Pinup-Girl

2007-11-11T22:10:00.003+05:30

She's the One! Was born to be the One! ...Always will be... till the next one comes along...!

Oh its not the beauty in the picture that I am talking about [see end]. This is about something much hotter...

Global Warming! The Science-praising/bashing, controversy-raising, Nobel-winning, issue of the decade.

An award-winning film is out - "The Inconvenient Truth". An Indian scientist gets a shared Nobel prize. And Global warming is suddenly in the limelight. But its not Gore's or Pachauri's fame that perturbs me. It is the way one or the other issue is always hyped out of proportions and is then left hanging without a conclusion as another more exciting threat to the the world is afoot! Just like a hot new starlet, there are more films to be made on that subject that will sell so much more if it is hyped.

Let me draw your attention to a few issues I have seen while growing up. These are all issues that are very important still & need to be given attention on an equal priority

Cancer - As a really small kid, there was always the talk of cancer. Mostly the one due to smoking and use of tobacco. I made my dad give up tobacco. But have seen many others fall to throat cancer from their addictions. There are ofcourse other cancers which too are still without cure and taking their toll. But tobacco induced cancer is something that a person can spread. The number of commercials showing actual ill effects of smoking and those educating cures of cancer are gone off the media. Oh yes... there are some ads about breast cancer, & I do hope they reach and better the lives of those few that watch cable television.

Drugs - When I was in school, TV used to make me feel that every one of those young guys on the streets was a druggie! Now india seems to be totally cured of this disease... only because we do not have youngsters injecting their groins and sniffing hash in filthy nooks or besides rail tracks. The problem is gone... from where it could be in the public's eye. Drugs are still rampant behind closed doors or in villages where noone peeps. There still are unemployed (or temporarily employed in BPOs) youth falling into the well of drugs thinking they will get high!

Population - This is in my view the most serious issue that concerns the World today and always... Overuse of resources by an uncontrolled population of a dominant species. Almost all evil that we see happening around is due to this. It was high on the propaganda just a few years ago, but its mellowed now. People slowly realise that the more kids they have, the more troubles they will have in their life. And they have other sources of entertaiment than sex. But are we really cured? The average number of kids might still take some time to reduce to 3 per couple. The issue will also need more coverage on the media to be effective sooner. I ve heard that a "Condom" publicity campaign is on I hope it is not the stereotyped gaonwali-behenji-prescribes-Mala-D ad or another steamy Kamasutra ad.

Ozone Hole - First thing... Its Not a hole in the atmosphere on top of your head... and it does not happen only over polluting cities! Ozone layer depletion does NOT cause Global Warming! It is a totally different natural disaster.
The "Hole" was detected as a reduction in the ozone layer over the North and South Poles. This 30% reduction could in future spread to lower latitudes. The misconceived notion is that due to it you will soon get skin cancer while sunbathing or later even when going to school! No... SPF100 sunscreen is not the way to escape the ozone hole! The problem will arise from the krill in the oceans & life stock on land getting ill. If it affects plants then we are done for. This will cause famine and endanger the generations to come before you even feel the symptoms of cancer. The causes of course are related to human activities. We have already been tackling it by reduced use of ODS. But the ozone Hole isn't shrinking!!! It is still as serious a problem as Global warming and we will only see in a decade which we should be thinking more about.

OK...
I know it is impossible to be uninformed about all this. But its easy to be misinformed. Moreover, disillusioned by disappearance of the hot topic we might just assume that the danger has passed. Well dear fellows... it hasn't. Its only that WE get less news about it because WE want variety in our coffee-table discussions. Let us not treat Life like films and ask for a new pinup topic every year. Let us keep following, in our capacities, at least one of the problems that can really affect us.

Of course I am not to forget... Laetitia Casta has finally made it to The Swank Pad! She has always been and will be the best pinup girl for me :)

Ma, come see me

2007-10-22T19:05:00.000+05:30

I failed to go see Ma even once this season.
I mean Ma Durga...

The pseudo-bengali that I am, Durga Puja is almost an integral part of my Life. Way back since the days of school vacations in the beginning of autumn, this respite from cruel teachers and boring homework was welcome. But not really for these reasons. It was more than just no-school!

It was a time of unbridled joy, a time of togetherness. Age, sex or status has never had any effect on the jubilant lot that are the Bengalis during the five days the images of Ma spend with us. Everyone is busy being happy to think of anything else. It's a time to stop and enjoy, time to change for the better, a time to welcome new things into your life. We kids would be out cycling all over town going to all corners to see the elaborately decorated Pandals and idols of the goddess. It was one time of the year when we could be on our own and free of the conventional parental bonds. It was also the only chance when we could meet outside the school premises, visit each others places and meet other families. We just felt so grown up being on our own for all these five days. There was of course that extra pocket money to eat all the yummy roadside stuff.

The evenings would bring in the autumn chill & the cardamom-like fragrance of the Chatim flowers. The sun setting on the fields lined by tall shoots of the white Kashful - the grass flowers - swaying in the wind, was a memorable sight. Freshened up after the siesta brought on by the day-long cycling, we'd step out all decked up in the new clothes for the season. The glow of distant pandal illumination lights and the filmy music floating in would remind us to gather near the Puja.

But it was impossible to contain any of us when the mesmerising Dhak begun. Our hearts would start resonating to their beat. The evening arati was accompanied by the playing of the dhak and the offering of Dhuno smoke to the goddess. Not a simple thing this. It's almost an art to do it right and we would even have competitions! With two dhunuchis in two hands the guys would enter the arena and be lost in a trance brought on by the rhythmic drums and bells. With flashing red eyes burning like the embers in their hands and devotion as profuse as the smoke they'd dance till they were in tears. Applauded by the awed crowd flanking them they'd then make way for the next performer. The priest would of course be carrying on chanting his mantras, waving hypnotically the huge set of lighted lamps in his hands, eyes fixed on the goddess' face. That is the most beautiful sight of the whole occasion.

The Mother's face... The round fair face that could be hidden perfectly only by a beetle-leaf. Shaped and painted with such elaborate care by the clay-stained idol-makers. The wavy hair framing it - a charateristic of the typical bengali mother. The eyes filled with enough motherly love to sum up that of all mothers, but also wide open to show a bit of chiding anger. The third eye almost open so as to drive fear into the hearts of the wrong-doing children of hers. The pert nose and mouth complete the perfection that one is drawn into admiring for long after one has finished praying to her for all ones wishes...

And this season, this lousy fellow broke the track record of 27 years and didn't go see her!!! The first day - Mahalaya - had been good with me listening to the Mahalaya radio recitals early in the day. But my cold and some other reasons kept me away from her. A curbed sense of smell has wrecked havoc on my enjoying this autumn. Weird how its all no fun without all those smells of night flowers, the dhoops & dhunos, the crackers, the delicious aromas etc. I didn't get that feel at all... A lousy/lazy mood over the weekend was also to blame. In spite of a 3 day holiday, I somehow ruined my leave on Friday, working, & was so cross about it that I wasted my Saturday in bed too! So no going out... Missed all of this year's Pujo...

Sunday was Bijoya Dashami... Its is the day she won the 10 day battle against Mahishasura. Its also a bit of a sad day as it is the day of her mythical departure to her husband's place, after telling us once again to conquer the Evils in our lives. The ladies gather around her in the mornign and bid her goodbye. They almost play a Holi with red shindoor signifying the good fortune of the families. I have never been to the Dashami celebrations as there is a totally different feel to it compared to the other days. Its too sad I guess to be missing her after these fun days together. So Sunday would have been spoilt too if I hadn't decided to conquer laziness. I had to go out and see Amit, who was in town.

I don't believe in miracles but that don't mean they don't come true...
A Little Love, Bryan Adams

But see her love... she came to see me! On Dashami... I rode out on SIN and on the way was the river. Just as I passed it I saw the sight that filled my eyes up. It was time for visarjan & all Ma Durgas had gathered there & I could meet them at least that small while! :) Oh I was so happy... Everything was there... The idols of the immortal goddess all crimson now, the dhak, dhuno, arati et al. The mortals too... guys in their elaborate panjabi kurtas, aunties in their red bordered saaris & the round faced bong chicks :) It was a mini pujo for me...!!! A chance miracle eh!? One that I am not going to forget...

I Promise Ma I wont give you the miss again... But do come see me if I ever fail.

Credits: Chikki - for the Pujo photo from London.
Rajesh Chakraborty - for his film Dhak, which perfectly complements what I wrote.

Riding the Blues

2007-10-01T14:34:00.035+05:30

The wave took over me. I rise in an arch. I was slowly climbing every step smoothed out in a sine curve. My blue blossoms looked like fireworks at the peak of the crescendo. I can now see more clearly, but who cares for the view? when just being there at the vantage point was such a pleasure. I wasn't stopping to analyse, to think. There was no time. Time itself was coming riding the wavelenghts. The foreplay had ended and the crest was almost here.

Sitting in the Sun at a waterfront in Cochin, Kerala I wrote this about what a moment would mean for a short-lived water hyacinth weed.

In just the right mood, a weed can be a muse. The 'Marine Drive' in Cochin is a great place to make such moods. Its a walkway facing the backwaters. Take a stroll on the pavement lined by trees and one finds a lot of jetties alluring you to walk to their edge. One cloudy evening last June, I had caught one of the most breathtaking sunsets here. It was another day of realisation that I should enjoy such moments, rather than be sad craving to share them.

Today the hot noon autumn sun is no less pleasureable. I love this place to sit beneath a tree just near the jetty owned by the Taj residency. Try sitting there, watching the countless images of the sun on the countless crests of the countless bobbing waves. Now slowly turn your eyes to the land. The hyacinth breaks the monotony of the water with its green and blue, but itself becomes a monotony before your eyes can reach the shore. There is a hypnotic, erotic, timeless, vain, up and down all around you, that is so like Life.

The water hole

2007-09-22T07:03:00.000+05:30

All the animals came to her every day...
She was friendly to everyone.
She gave them all her love.
She gave them a new life.
Her alluring fullness got them back everytime.
They were inspired by the mere presence of her in their thoughts.
They expected her to be that way everytime they needed her...
...every time they visited, just to leave her soon.

Today sitting besides the Pond I realised that, for ages, she has been splashing against the Rock on her side - the only constant thing in her life. Could it be that all SHE wanted was to be taken by it; to quench the thirst it never had...?

Part of a vivid dream, expressed here.

Water of India

2007-08-08T07:19:00.001+05:30

Rivers are called the Lifelines of India. Unlike the lines on a human palm, they can actually decide the fate of the populace thriving around them. No wonder we have so many "Cradle of such-n-such" or "Sorrow of such-n-such". In fact they are given the respect of a Mother by all humans who know their worth. I am of course not talking about the [expletive applies here] that pollute them for their own greed.

Ok changing track... We all have heard of the fact that our bodies are more than 65% water! So, that is what I was thinking about during one of my train journeys, as my supply of water had finished! How was I to replenish that percentage loss which my throat was already indicating? Come what may, I never drink water from the train tap. At that moment our train crossed a huge river... and soon after stopped at a small station. Desperately I got down and gulped the refreshing cold water from the taps on the platform. Looking at my filled bottle while getting back to my seat, it occured to me that I was carrying with me a bit of the water that has flown down this river we had just crossed. And I have in me some molecules of the same water which are going to be a part of my cells. Who knows where this river, with all this H₂O came from, but it was in me and might just remain till the end.

I remember the magic shows of one of the most charismatic Indian magicians - P.C.Sorcar Jr. - that I'd been to as a kid. He had a trick called "Water of India". There was a magic tumbler which would periodically produce water inspite of him emptying it fully everytime! These samples of water were then named after the place he said they magically came from. He would then ask us which place we wanted to get water from at the next go! Years later, I can do that trick myself... I of course won't tell, as it would sadden the kids to know that they had not really seen the Waters of India.

Now, I have a chance at doing just that! I travel a lot and drink water at so many places. Of course I have had the water from various seas, lakes, ponds, canals, streams, wells, handpumps etc. But for me to remember them would be a mess. Rivers have this way of connecting You with others. They connect the lives of so many Indians. So I wish to make a constantly updated list of all the Rivers of India whose water I have accepted into my system. In fact, to make this list bigger I am also going to taste water at as many places as possible. This may not be a good idea, but so is drinking fizzy water from random plastic bottles. Die of Hepatitis or die of Cancer... But die knowing that You have at least tried to unite India in Yourself!

Should I make this alphabetical... or chronological? Lets see... I can list out the river waters that I had as I grew up in my country.

To begin with, I was born in Nagpur. I hope they gave me some water then! :) & it might have been from the river that my family-place Nagpur gets its name from...

     Nag
     Kanhan
     Wagh
     Wardha
     Wainganga
     Penganga
     Vidarbha

I have grown up on the banks of the Sorrow of Bengal...

     Damodar

The Ganga is of course the Identity of India. I have been fortunate enough to have its waters all along its route through the land from Gaumukh to Diamond harbour. My tryst with it began very early in my life. I had it in Kolkata where it is called...

     Hoogly. It is Bhagirati near its origin.

Here are some other rivers from around Bengal that I have as a part of me now.

     Ajay
     Barakar
     Kangsabati
     Rupnarayan
     Subarnarekha
     Tista
     Mahanadi

These are rivers that touched me during my childhood trips North with my parents.

     Yamuna
     Alaknanda
     Mandakini
     Beas
     Ravi
     Sutlej
     Betwa
     Narmada
     Mahananda
     Son

We also have the Maharashtra rivers that have been nourishing me since I left home.

     Mula
     Mutha
     Pawana
     Pravara
     Bhima
     Ghod
     Godavari
     Indrayani
     Kham
     Koyna
     Shivna
     Ulhas

These I encountered when I was in Goa

     Candeper
     Zuari
     Mandovi
     Mapuca

The Great Southern rivers that I have tasted are the following.

     Gomati
     Krishna
     Kavery
     Tungabhadra
     Periyar

The smaller ones include

     Adyar
     Kuvam
     Gayatri
     Kalinadi
     Malprabha
     Netrawati
     Noyil

The number of southern rivers shows how less I have traveled the South of India. There will be more as I try my memory harder & look through Atlases and Wikimapia. But I'm also awaiting for more Water of India to flow via me into this list.

Count: 54
Updated: 10.July.2008

I couldn't resist...

2007-06-04T23:49:00.000+05:30

The crimson sky was dripping
and I couldnt resist...
I took some colour and painted you

The earth extended to the horizon
and I couldnt resist...
I just decided to walk to the end with you

The moon rose with its mists
and I couldnt resist...
I added some mystery to you

The stars were burning like embers
and I couldnt resist...
I took your hand and warmed you

The dreamy night was hypnotising all
and I couldnt resist...
I lost some sleep with you

Resistance sometimes really is Futile :)

Ooty me Chutti

2007-05-30T17:50:00.000+05:30

The motley group has left. I have my bus to Bangalore at night, so am waiting as time passes. Lying on the lawn in the sun I find the grass alive with all sorts of insect drama...& the birds were singing such melodies to accompany that... My arena seems quite entertaining. The sunbird humming in the bush just besides me makes me feel like one of my childhood friends - Rima*. I could almost reach out and touch it. The sun glinting off its feathers, the bird meticulously picks up every hanging flower from the purple and white bunch and peers in for the coveted nectar.

Okay okay... for the ones who are really in the dark about where I am, I am in Ooty and since I have nothing to do now, the following is going to be a flashback at the trip...

Day 1: After another journey in a train AC, which included 18 hrs of sleep, reading 'The Little Prince', some group fun, lotsa yummy food and a pleasant surprise by Tanu [at Bangalore Cantt. ;)], I reached Coimbatore early in the morning. The bus ride to Ooty was about 3 hrs long... standing at the gate, eating plums and enjoying the views go past. The Nilgiri hills subjugate any feeling of pride that may be around in ones head. There are more reasons than one to call them to call them "breathtaking"... The air is fresh and crisp and the sight of the blue sky makes you take really deep breaths. :) The climb to Conoor, starting at Mettupalayam takes an hour. This is where we saw the first tea plantations. [I am resisting all temptations to compare it to Darjeeling]...Next stop Ooty...

The rain started just as we got into town. So we rushed to a local restaurant & had loads of rice with sambar, rasam, etc. on a banana leaf...! The time post repast was spent at the Railway station which is so quaint.

Our vehicle picked us up from there to take us to the campus of the Ooty Radio Telescope. yup... astronomy here too! The director of the institute, Dr.P.K. Manoharan is an admirable person. He has made all arrangements. :) It is an amazingly beautiful location 20 mins drive from Ooty. I've seen the telescope only in pictures as yet, but in reality it is awesome. The guest house is also cool.

Felt like running away from all people & instantly took a liking to the garden in front of the telescope control room. Greedily took all photos I could in half an hour. I was so charged up that I didnt feel the slightest of shivers roaming around in shorts and tees. The temperature was ~18 degrees!

This was followed by a loooong walk exploring the campus... Spent some time at the base of the telescope. There is a clearing there with a secret path that I can see leading into the thick jungle. But in the clearing, sitting on one of the posts of the telescope, one feels like the king of the place. I wish 'king nothing' had a crown :D The Daisy fields simply extend to the edge of everywhere... The birds sound so nice in the silence of the valley. I could make out the melodious robins, the hammering barbets, the whistling thrush, the ticking crickets and there were so many other sounds to find the origins of. Saw black faced macaques lazily eating eucalyptus leaves!!!

Later in the evening I took the jungle path into a village beyond. I went to look for the bus stop so I could get back into town. As soon as I stepped out of the campus gate, I noticed that the valley was covered with big veggie farms... potatoes, cauliflowers, beans, carrots & other stuff. There were tea gardens too a bit further away. Spotted the most adorable cows with their round black eyes... its been a long time since I watched a milkman milk one!!

It was time for sunset and the sky had clouded all over. But suddenly, out of somewhere, a sliver of gold came out & lit up the hill tops in the East... breathtaking sight... just stood there till the color faded and the village lights came on... [I ve stopped missing having a camera of my own]

There's a temple at the bottom of the valley and I'm sure it was playing some hindi songs... That's a surprise and needs to be checked as they have shifted to prayers at that moment.

A long walk in crisp cold air makes one really Hungry. By the way the lunches and dinners here are expected to be really uneventful, with lots & lots of rice and jokes.

Day 2: "Shiver shiver shiver... hey Where am I? & Why am I cold? Oh yeah I'm in Ooty and am supposed to be out exploring. giddyupppp...!"

After this self-intereaction, I brushed my white teeth with the yellow spring water that we get in the taps here. [Its supposed to be bacteria free but not mud free :D] & rushed to the garden. I had found these steps in front of the control room from where I had an awesome view of the telescope valley. I was trying one more skecth and so could use some entertainment. So yes... the village temple down below was playing hindi songs... Baazigar and DDLJ of all albums! Theres no harm enjoying them if you cant go switch them off.

The day was intended for going to the town for a touristy visit & the Sun was out. We walked to the village bus stand and stood there waiting. After seeing how packed the two buses that arrived were, Arvind decided that we hire an open roofed tempo for a ride!! It was a thrilling and unforgettable roller-coaster ride from Muthuvarai village to the 'city'...

The famous Botanical garden is about 3 kms from the main bus stand. Its a must see and the interested one should spare about three hours to fully explore it... spoilsports can ofcourse stay out. Took a few pics on a borrowed camera... [Thanx Kanad!] Well words are no good to describe them... so take a look!

The the rain came as I'd predicted. The lack of umbrellas of others is of course always a pleasure :D Got my shoes all wet walking in the rain. The best way around it was of course to buy a pair of chappals!

The rains here are mostly in the afternoon, when the warm humid air rises and cools suddenly. The orographic rain condenses on the hillslopes 'out of the blue' and its a 'good' experience if you are not a regular in Ooty. It might be wet on one slope and sunny on another.

Getting back in the back of a cramped Jeep was another experience. We at the back were almost hanging out of it. But the driver doesn't spare you the jolts just for that simple reason.

The evening was time for another nice walk with the kiddos. Took them exploring the local flora and fauna and we did some discoveries. There were so many varieties of conifers to identify and collect the cones from [and lots of hindi puns to make on the word 'cone' :D]. In this endeaour, we for the first time in our life discovered a specimen of the carnivorous pitcher plant! Finding a pool made by a stream and a tree with really big cones added to our joy. The best happenning was Dhruv finding a porcupine quill! All of us were very happy with our collection. I couldn't believe it that the kids, instead of being tired, played Jedi Knights on the climb up! :)

Day 3:

The first observation with the Ooty radio telescope was scheduled today! At ~12 noon we took readings of a celestial radio-galaxy. Its awesome to see the whole 530m x 30m structure move with such precision as to track an object in the sky. The Sun glinting off the wires stretched across the chasis, working as reflectors, almost made a rainbow...

We took some time free in the afternoon and went back to town to visit leftover places. Some lazybones stayed back & slept... ufff! It was all unplanned fun... One place not to miss in Ooty is the Thread Garden. Its a masterpiece of hardwork. A whole big garden with all its vegetation made of silk threads! All lifelike to that...

The second thing not to forget in Ooty, is to eat 'Homemade Chocolates' which are sold in all shops! :) I've been stuffed with boiled rice for the last 4 days... so finally was also glad to have some fresh patties!

Okay...this was probably the last tourist visit to town I will have. Have not yet explored the race course, the tea gardens, the Rose garden, the Cemetary, the Fernhill Palace & the Potato research institute...!

We had a quick photosession at the station again... The ride on the Engine was cut short by some shouting by a policeman. :D I will not be taking the train out of town as was planned earlier. On the way back we rode a really crowded bus with really funky music on which made us all shake. Whoever's heard of hip-hop bhajans? :D

A Clear Midnight
This is thy hour O Soul, thy free flight into the wordless,
Away from books, away from art, the day erased, the lesson done,
Thee fully forth emerging, silent, gazing, pondering the themes thou lovest best.
Night, sleep, and the stars.

Walt Whitman

Time for another night walk. It seems one can never have enough of the eucalyptus and pine scented air. I felt like carrying a bottle full of it home. With the above lines as wishes from a great pal [thanx Chikki], I was out for a stroll in the chilly night of Ooty with the stars in the clear sky for company. I'd planned to stay awake all night as this will be my last one in Ooty. I had to be a bit careful as I had forgotten to get any warm clothes. But, I discovered that a bottle of hot water inside my shirt does wonders... and two pouches of instant coffee in the same bottle do even better :D

The southern cross [constellation] has never looked so high to me ever since I found it during my Fergusson College days... Besides it, the stars alpha and beta Centauri, were dazzling... They just grab your attention. Its always a pleasure to see the star nearest to the Sun, especially here, in all its glory, with its apparent twin. The moon above was almost full. A wonderful full moon night in Bangalore will be a gift.

Day 4: Woke up hearing that most of the group was not feeling well. Its not a very good feeling to feel somehow responsible for someone's ill health. It was a day of parting with the group, so I left them early for my visit to town.

The highlight of today was ofcourse a visit to The Blue Mountains School. This school founded way back in the 60's as an alternative school. But, as is the state of most 'different' schools, it is in dire straits. Now, with a new principal, it is starting all over. In her words, "Its hard to keep pressures of societal expectations at bay. How does one keep mediocrity away and insist on high academic standards in an alternative situation?" Currently, there are only 8 students on the rolls in this residential school.

On the positive side, the hill-slope campus is so beautiful that I was wondering why I went to the botanical garden for all the pictures. :) Anyways I didnt have a camera handy today. The wooden building has that British era charm. As usual, it poured while I was there. Took a round of the huge campus of the residential school in the rain. I got introduced to the J. Krishnamurti philosophy during a talk with the principal. [I wish to follow up on this later esp. in Bangalore where I might visit a KFI school ]. I was invited for lunch and so I got a little time with the kids. That was a delight... & I got to eat loads of nice mangoes. :)

The return journey was thankfully uneventful as there are already so many memories I'm taking back in this hectic holiday... Looking forward to more running around in Bangalore.

*... oops almost forgot her...! Rima was in one of my fave books from childhood - "Green Mansions" by W H Hudson. The many adventures were exciting & it was also one that made me cry a lot... but its was so beautifully written. All these surroundings made me so nostalgic about this book that is set in a tropical south american forest.

Haji Ali

2007-04-29T12:52:00.003+05:30

"Allah hu akbar Allahhh...."

Mmmmm.... One can never appreciate an Azzan [the Muslim religious prayer] till one has heard it. And today I woke up to it. I am staying in an Islamic majority area near Worli, in Mumbai. I had noticed a few masjids around from the roof. So now I guess I will have these wake up calls everytime I oversleep. To jerk me up and tell me to do my duties...

But I was still lazy. Stayed back in bed till lunch! My mind was confused as to what to think about. Choices are very tough for me to handle. :D So it finally gave way and went to sleep. :) The afternoon workshop had me run here and there between disciplines ranging from electronics to aeromodelling to biology. I was again confused. I had too many choices of things to do! I just went back to my room and sat there trying to prioritise the choices for the next few evenings... Faintly I heard the melody of the evening Azzan again & I wondered why. But, I almost fell asleep again swaying to it and got delayed for my planned visit to Crawford market to get some bargains for my home etc.

I can never guess why I decided to goto Haji Ali later! But I did... Not to all those 'happenning' places around, but Haji Ali! I walked till there and had missed the sunset (I should say - thankfully). I walked down the footpath towards the Dargah which slowly curved from the East towards South... thinking about some things which were making my thoughts a jumble...

And then in the colourful Dusk I saw it! The Crescent Moon!

I stood right there... spellbound! A glowing crescent on top of a Dargah... I knew it was not a sight to be repeated for me... It was like something which had to be gupled down. and I ve been here for the last half hour now looking at it slowly set. The night has got darker now and its growing more beautiful every moment. For a 'lunatic' like me, this is the best sight possible.

I have sat down on a bench and I have sketched the scene (sketching real life only the second time in my life...!) Its lousy but something in me says I am going to do it more. The path to Haji Ali is over the water to the left, lit with yellow lights. The dargah itself is illuminated with multihued lights with a green glow to the towers. All around is just the sea lit by the reflections and above all is that Glorious Crescent.

The First instant I saw it I wanted to hold onto something/someone coz I was almost shivering with excitement. The second instant I missed not having my camera coz all my important people would be missing this. The third instant, with tears in my eyes, I knew... It was My event! Meant for Me, Deserved by Me. A reward for living maybe...

[If you do, then...] What do you expect God to Give you? This is near maximum I guess, a heavenly pleasure of senses. And eerie coincidences related to human beliefs could make anyone believe in God at such a time. So I have somehow been dragged into this highly affected state. Its so dreamy. This is Nirvana, Heaven, Jannat... I'm not sure I'm alive. & I would not regret dying tomorrow.

I still sit there watching, waiting for my leaden legs to come back... As my field of view widens, I notice...

Two people were "getting a Life" at that moment.
One was Me.
Absorbing something 'God-given'.
I could suckle off the crescent of the heavenly orb, getting all the ebbing inspiration back from the reward, getting all the nourishment for my Mind from this limit-testing sensual experience, getting immunized to the torture of the taxing, unjust, futile world...
And besides me was the child of a poor Mother at her breast.
Was she the God to him? Was He her reward?
The Moon set, the Mother left...

As I walked back, for a while, tears kept welling up with the returning tide on the sea-face.

Written on 29th April 2006.

PS: A coincidence exactly an year later made me post this. No reason for this to be hidden...

I Divide

2007-04-01T02:00:00.000+05:30

I divide the world in 2
The goodness in Me and the bad that is You.
I decide, I judge and I do...
I divide the world in 2

I divide the world in 2
The cracked Earth and the stardust glow,
The real news and the morsels You throw.
The things that I lust, the things that You screw
and the leftovers branded by You.
I divide the world in 2

I divide the world in 2
The cries for freedom, while You strip Liberty,
and the laughs from the top raping virtuosity.
The rebel in Me and the slaves that You make.
My sacrifices and those that You fake.
The simple Me and the Hypocrite in You.
I divide the world in 2

I divide the world in 2
My own faith and Your enforced beliefs.
The tired sleep and the "Hand that relieves".
I divide the world in 2

I divide wine and water. I divide pimp and father.
I divide smoke and air. That halo is just Your burning hair.
I divide plenty and dirth. Let me show You what You are worth.
I'll divide You from Thee... Conquer You, so there's only Me!

Rushing by me is a deluge of hot air and I stand here in the cool gust of an AC, at the division very similar to the conventional heaven and hell. I'm standing at the door of my AC 3-tier compartment of the Chennai Express. I have chosen to open it, to be aware - of my choices, of the divide between reality and convenience. The Spring moon shines bright only on the East side of the train. On the West, Venus, Sirius and Canopus, the three brightest objects in the sky, were struggling to illuminate the dark. The rails dividing the dry farms & the dry terrain upto the hills, suddenly cross a bridge. It's like flying. There's nothing ahead of my feet to feel attached to. I am on the divide of the Earth and Sky. The river below is half a kilometer across, but without a drop of water. A tinkle and a jangle tells me that someone just made an offering of coins to the river godess. The plastic, crushing, noise is of the disposed "mineral water" bottle joining more of the trash in the river-bed.

A swank girl passes me by with her twin. She's in Black and the twin has a White top on! What better division can I have for a sign to write this?

Uneclipsed

2007-03-19T19:09:00.002+05:30

Eclipses occur rarely
but they darken things a lot.
Be it your field-of-view or all of your thoughts.

Wake up expecting a morning
and Night is what you find.
An Eclipse of the Sun or an Eclipse of your Mind.

The Sun gets covered by the Moon's limb
Shadows roam the land...
The Brain is overrun by thoughts you cannot understand.

Forms of darkness intimidate
although they are just absence of Light.
Raging inside they stay, useless is your improved sight.

Strange are the choices your Mind gives you...

Worry not about the dark In and Out,
See the strong light of Hope.
Or wallow in the fog and for a feeble support grope.

Uneasiness is the lack of faith
in Goodness, in Reason and its foresight.
A survivor knows there will always again be Light.

The Sun is really gone only when it sets.
You should really die only with your Death.
Die not everyday with thoughts that upset.

Gravity completes a flawless show,
a few make money saying its a jinx!
Be not fooled by negativity, Resist what you don't want to Think.

Eclipses don't change the Sun and Moon's ways,
You stay an Angel even with wings clipped.
Only your belief in yourself can get you Uneclipsed...

Yesterday I too was Uneclipsed of some thoughts. So this one had to come out [pun intended].

There was a partial eclipse of the Sun today. The Sun rose eclipsed. This was my fifth partial Solar eclipse. I woke up early in the morning for it and also caught it in this picture. Its a difficult thing to control your emotions at such Heavenly events. I bet this is my fastest written poem ever.

More:
Amit got some awesome shots of the eclipse.

Palash

2007-03-13T20:24:00.000+05:30

Past the dry bamboo shoots and the grass so dead,
Past these rocks framing the dusty path I tread,
I'm signalled to a stop by the tree tops glowing red.
What is this flashing daytime fire... What fuel has it been fed?

Oh thats the 'Palash' - the flame of the forest, my inner voice said.
The black twisted branches, the croppings of round leaves so jade...
The fiery flamelets of the flowers, waiting for their chance to be shed.
The fire it seems, is flowing into the ground ahead.

It seeps through my feet and soon all I see is red.
The sound of drums into my ears flows,
a horde of warriors rush into my head.
Drawn are their bows, their swords, like their skins, bared.
Past me they march to a war of freedom,
which no one before has dared.

The hills cower as the fire climbs,
of the gunfire and cannons it is not afraid.
It has to burn the redcoats down, or for this land be shed.
The war was lost, but not without honour, though many lives were laid.
It was a jolt for others to fight before their memories fade.

Alone now, with the Palash, I stand proud on this red soil,
Fighting again to retain something for which they have bled.

The title seems tempting to accredit this idea to the Battle of Palashi [or Plassey] between the British and Nawab Siraj-ud-Daula in 1757. The place is named after a dense forest of Palash [Butea sp.]. That was the first real battle the East India Company prided themselves for facing on Indian soil. Though the latter had a bigger force and cannons too, he succumbed to his lack of scientific sense and ofcourse treachery.

But infact, I have been inspired by the Santal rebellions of 1855. Though overshadowed by the 1857 Mutiny, it was one of the first battles against oppression of those times. For ages the Santal tribes had resided in hills of the then Indian states of Orissa, Bengal and Bihar. On setting foot here, the British and their cronies however grabbed their land per force or cheating and got them into inhuman bondage... So the uprising was due.

It was like a forest-fire trying to outshine the Sun. Fought by a minority group of tribals, only with their exceptional archery skills to match the guns & cunning of the Enemies of their Freedom. The Santals led by their 'rebel' leaders, Sidhu and Kanhu Murmu, took refuge in the Palash forests in the hilly districts of what is now Jharkhand, India. Their guerilla tactics were very unheard of and caused the Redcoats a lot of trouble until they were drawn out, away from their home the forest. The whole tribe was decimated over 2 years, but not before the words of resentment and the smoke-cloud of rebellion against the British oppression was passed on to others also pining for freedom.

I was recently in West Bengal, passing through a Palash forest in full bloom. I have grown up climbing trees, including those of Palash. Then, the flowers, boiled in water, were a source of a rich yellow dye to us. With some fragrant flowers added to the broth, it was an excellent natural colour for Holi. But this time, the Palash's image seems so different. I have always known the names of Sidhu-Kanhu and now for the first time, I felt closer to them.

How can one supress one's energy when Spring is setting the surroundings on Fire? Its not just the Palash, but we also have the Silk-cotton tree [Semul, Kapok, Bombay ceiba] and the Indian Coral Tree [Erythrina indica] adding to the fire their oranges, reds & vermillion. In all a way of Nature to bring out people's true nature. :)

PS: Dont hate [or sue] me for the copyrighted picture. It will be replaced with an original one as soon as I get one.

More Links:
A Hindi Article on Palash

Hide your tears

2007-02-19T01:54:00.001+05:30

Rain Drips
     Crops Rise
Petrol Drips
     Economies Rise
Blood Drips
     Empires Rise
Sweat Drips
     Monuments Rise
Semen Drips
     Generations Rise

          Tears drip... Nothing rises...

To us, tears must be the most precious of the fluids I guess, because no one wants them to be seen by others or to give them away. I'm being Minimalistic after a while now. Dont know why I'm posting about tears on a happy day. But, I had to shed these thoughts lest they turn into tears, which for me definitely need to remain hidden. Hide yours a little better & Smile more!

Lucky Saturn

2007-02-11T22:36:00.000+05:30

Saturn, to me, it is the most beautiful planet after the Earth. The rings of Saturn have fascinated multitudes for ages and still draw out the 'oooh's & 'wow's everytime I show it to people through a telescope.

Here is a page with more pictures by Christopher Go. He has been following it with a telescope for the past year of "Saturn season". You can catch it for yourself too. All of the next month or so, it is going to be a nice, bright, starlike evening object in the East.

10th February 2007 [the day the above pic was taken] was the day of opposition for Saturn. 'Opposition' is the time when the Earth lies between an outer planet and the Sun, making the Sun and planet appear in opposite directions as viewed from the Earth. So to us, the planet rises as the Sun sets. Now magine yourself out in space and draw out the position of the Sun and the orbits of the earth and the planet on opposition day. Its easy to see that the Earth will be closest to the planet on this day. The distance in between them is of course the distance between their orbits, which is unimaginably huge. The occurrence of oppostion for various planets differs and it was Saturn's turn yesterday.

Since the early morn TV channels were full of 'news' about what all can happen on this day and how there were so many people praying to appease saturn!

"Saturn is the worst planet to have in your horoscope... & God forbid if it be close to the earth at that time... All hell will be let loose!"

So say some of the astrologers. Or at least thats the picture they paint, but will deny it when countered. In India, for ages Shani or Saturn - the angry god has been the harbinger of bad luck.

It seems that the media did finally remember that there are some dudes who are more in touch with Saturn than the astrologers [most of whom have not even seen it!]. So we had a TV team from a channel at our Science centre for a 2 minute interview to counter all the stuff transmitted all day. My senior put up a few good points. I happenned to barge in with one point that was missed and got invited to face the camera too. I was instantly transformed into an expert on astronomy giving comments on TV about the latest sensational celestial event!

I dont know about the half a billion Leo's who walk the Earth. They are "predicted" to share the same bad luck for the next few months, due to Saturn's presence in a group of stars that resembles a Lion, if your imagination can leap like one. But it turned out to be very lucky for me... If you believe that Saturn favours me, then please contact me for more details on "How to use Saturn to become famous!"

For more time-pass follow the following weblinks to sites about the spaceship Cassini, which is near Saturn doing a lot of research.

More Links:
JPL >> NASA

Silence of Thought

2007-02-09T18:44:00.002+05:30

Drums...
What does the word remind you of?

Festivites, Rock music, Noise... depending on your present orientation of mind. For me its currently Music. I have joined the race to be in the league of John Bonham, Ian Paice, Keith Moon, John Densmore etc. For the uninitiated, that means I am learning drums!

Yesterday my 1-2-3-4 routine was bass-none-snare-bass [thats my own convention though. 'none' means no drum is played, only the hi-hat cymbals are hit]. It is tiring for the mind. Three [as yet] of my limbs are working separately doing their own do, at different frequencies, and together they have to create a beat. I have always been awed by the concepts of multitasking and time-sharing [and how I am so super at them], but this is a totally new level! The right hand keeps its own identity while the left hand & the right foot clamour to give it company. But like unruly kids, they need to be controlled. "Stay!" - I say to my foot. Its moving twice every beat. "...Stick it to the bass-drum and stay with the skin till I finish the next two beats". The left hand is the first to miss a beat. "Damn... I'll make up for it 3 beats later" I hear myself thinking "...4-1-2-" and I hit the snare on 3 but miss the foot on 4! But 1 comes on fine and I gradually settle in, oblivious to any attention I might be getting from the guitar-girls behind. I shift from counting numbers to the sound. My heart almost repeats the beats.

It hypnotises you. Maybe its not meant to be done after a hard day's work. The rhythmic beat draws you in. Slowly your eyes close. Your limbs keep doing their job, almost by themselves. And suddenly I wasn't thinking... For a definite while, I had no picture in front of my eyes, no words in my head. My world was not futile anymore. It almost wasn't there... A Silence of Thought had descended on me! Even the thought that I wasn't thinking, came after a blank... & it suddenly felt so unwelcome. I shivered in my sweat. It happened unconsciously and stayed for a while.

All that I have been craving for, for a while now, is riddance from thoughts. Anything that you do repeatedly for a week becomes a habit and I have been addicted to thoughts for quite some time now... Thoughts that contain people, expectations, which take a negative turn most of the time. I've been trying to put them away after I wake everyday. It seemed so impossible a task. I have even been half-heartedly trying, what people would term as meditation. But, either I fall asleep again, tired of the struggle, or I just give up and get to my ways of the day. My addiction has been keeping me from making new habits that could be harmful to its existence. I know... some self-discipline is missing. This is a boost to my efforts. Anyways, I now believe something like the following...

As long as you have a mind, you will have thoughts and emotions.
Meditation is bringing the mind back home, and this is first achieved through the practice of mindfulness, of bringing the scattered mind home, and so of bringing the different aspects of our being into focus.

Sogyal Rinpoche

No. I do not have any glimpses of "the world seen only by those who enter the silence beyond thought", to share with you. :) But, this is a good omen. Music is my meditation. Someday I might just be playing and not thinking about anything else while I beat the music out of the skins and metal with my sticks... and you know exactly where to read all about it!

PS: The song I'm trying to pick up is "Come pick me up" by Ryan Adams. An easy one for drums. ;)

Windows

2007-02-01T18:39:00.005+05:30

Sunshine in some windows,
the light setting for some.
Windows have hands waving byes or
eyes waiting for someone to come.
Music from some, laughter from others
Screams from a few ignored by neighbours.
Many low and open,
a few high and kept.
Drops of rain in some,
other sills wet with tears wept.
Some curtain loneliness,
some are closed to hide amour.
Queues of people besides some...
wait for the faceless provider
Transparent glass showing off affluence
Glazed glass keeping out the prying eyes
Coloured glass keeping in the colourlessness...

I was in Goa last October and was fascinated by the arc(h)ane windows. Especially one that inspired me to think of a partial story. That one hasn't been typed yet, but I did come up with the above while coding today morning...

Here are the Windows' pictures I'd taken in Panaji and around.

PS: Totally off topic, but on Windows... M$ unleashed another virus on the World, called "Vista" on January the 30th. A cheap copy of the Mac OS's looks thats ages late. With it, the Windows people have become extremely aggresive in its promotion upto the level of being impolite and refusing sale of any new computers without the customers choosing Vista! As usual it is also far more intrusive with your personal information.

I'm ofcourse on my self-customised [& far better looking] Linux-box writing this... :) But here is Free Software Foundation's site about Vista. Support Free Software... Its not about freebies, its about Freedom!

Driven by Dissatisfaction

2007-01-28T16:48:00.001+05:30

Today "Mr. Kumar" acknowledged me as a good teacher! He's a person who had, for the past year, been bugging me with comments about how good teachers were in the past & how satisfying it used to be being one.

Oh he finally accepted Me! Wow Man... This is Sweet Success ... !
... or is it? Does success lie in social acceptance of ourselves? What am I supposed to do now... Pride myself, put myself on a pedestal and stagnate in self-satisfaction? No... I will stay Dissatisfied.

The chemistry of dissatisfaction is as the chemistry of some marvelously potent tar. In it are the building stones of explosives, stimulants, poisons, opiates, perfumes and stenches.
Eric Hoffer

Great thought, but I wonder why it doesn't include my kind of dissatisfaction!? My dissatisfaction lies in all the existing unhappinness, ignorance and the resulting futility around me... In not having a cure for it or rather people not accepting certain things that might just be a cure. Whereas others are finding their answers in the things Hoffer mentions above, my answer isn't in them. Where is this thing called a "Smile"?! We cannot manufacture a genuine one with chemistry.

The following were to appear in Things people say to me...

"I'm happy with the Life I am living..."
"You need to have satisfaction in Your Life!"
"Don't want to have what you like... Like what you have!"

Ok people... dont give me your conflict-of-thoughts galore. I'm amazed at how you just accept the most convenient ways and measure happiness off it. But, I dont spot the smile on your face when you say all this! I would not be saying anything new if this was an argument. Its just that I can't see the motive behind people saying all these when everyone around is dissatisfied. Find your real self in the dissatisfaction Nature itself is filled with. I know, You'd bloody hate your life if you were really satisfied.

Everyone needs to have something to look forward to doing in Life. Or else is it not the same as Death? I am a driven guy... Driven by dissatisfaction, pain & beauty. I do like what I have and do. I live by inspired volition not coercion. I do not expect any respite from this constant urge to do more & better myself. I know I will stay dissatisfied till the end. Only a Life fully lived has a satisfying end - a welcome Death.

Thank you "Mr. Kumar" for your compliment. Enjoy your satisfied life wallowing in the glory of your past. I wish you had stayed dissatisfied & I had something to complement you for in return.

Seven dead Crows

2007-01-24T00:30:00.002+05:30

Written on September 5th, 2006

Another dead crow. This is the sixth body today!
Killed by destiny or crushed by wheels of Time and then a Truck?
Why do crows die? Why do people Die? Do hearts die with them?
I once fell for a fallen one. She landed into my life with a limp.
In the crowd she was alone.
Though forlorn, she Never said she needed me. It was my assumption. My decision to protect her, care for her, make her live longer, happier.
In turn she planted a seed of hope and amazed me at my own positivity!
I'm not a mindreader and her eyes just teased me.
Her silence was unbridgeable for me.
But I was already deafened by my own good thoughts.
Her feelings were unknown to me...
But I was already overcome with my own fantasies.
Her struggles were unfightable for me...
But I was already struggling in my own failing efforts.
She tried to fly, but I couldn't give her the wings.
And one fine day as I hopped upto her box, I noticed her stiffness.
It was unnatural for Life, but a norm if one chooses Death.
That was her choice.
My choice was Nothing - in her Life... in her Death.

Dry flowers and Wet eyes

2007-01-21T19:02:00.004+05:30

In Life the Good & Bad don't average out...
They both take toll of your nerves.

I'd have loved to simply leave this thought here, but on popular demand I'll explain... The day before yesterday I was in a village called Panchgaon, near the city of Kolhapur, host to a residential school. These flowers were given to me by two little girls, Arti and Asha. They were girls from a nomadic tribe & the first in their family to ever get to go to school. I won't go into how I did a good job of my 'work' of giving them a few good pieces of knowledge. But, I got my reward through these flowers. The shy beings had impropmtu picked for me the closest beautiful things they could find. In that little while, I had meant something to them to deserve this precious gift! They got me these, as appreciation, as I was wrapping up the after the talk. My smile was then almost about to fade, giving way to thoughts. It came back and was with me as I went through Hell the next day.

Isn't it amazing how smiles and sorrows both bring tears... & yet we are preferential!?

Things people say to me...

2007-01-18T20:04:00.000+05:30

And what I want to say to them...

I imagined you to be older."

...the usual response of people who have only heard/read of me. I have no idea if I sound "mature" on phone/paper. Or is it because of the work that I do? & does it imply that I'm not of the 'age' I had once seemed to be?

"You look so young!"

Ok so I am a 28 year 'old' Peter Pan! But Beware - I am a kid upstairs too... more of a Pinocchio! That also explains me being skinny.

"Is there something you Dont know about?"

hehehe... :D Well yeah there's a lot I dont know about or else I'd be running Google...! but need I say that it always pays to be resourceful.

"Shut your mouth. You make me guilty/concious and spoil all the Fun!"

Yeah sure and you can carry on with all your flaws and your highly concious & embarrased soul. I treasure friends who make me concious of the right things. I see their caring in this & its done for my betterment.
You are getting concious because you do have a weak point. Its upto you to ditch me and find a 'Yes man'. Its a matter of choice. But if you are a friend then yes... just for you, I am working on bettering my words at being your conscience... so that I dont always end up being a spoilsport.

"Don't think too much about people all the time."

Its a challenge to keep all the inputs from your senses at bay. I cant help it if I am sensitive and care for those whom I think about. The brain controls me & its not yet the other way. Its a struggle and I lose everytime. Vicky however confuses me with - "if you cant stop them, let the thoughts come..."

"I can't count on you! / You are not dependable!"

Thanks for the frank complement...& I have to agree with you on this. I guess its an old problem with this guy who's always been forced to keep his heart foremost. In consequence I've always shied away from commitments & failed at mattering properly to people. But, do you Really want to depend on me? Ever tried making it CLEAR to me that you want me to be special to you? I'm a confused guy, but I hope its not Your confusion thats reflecting in this charge.

"You never sleep, do you?"

As a vampire cursed to walk even during the daytime, what do you expect of me? Well... with the energy levels I have and with the numerous minutes to be Lived just passing by, how can I sleep? I do get my naps and need only 5 hours of shuteye!
Only Amit gets to say to me - "Abe jhopu nakos!" [bugger, dont doze off!] :D

"Its time you got married."

...& do what? Excuse Me & go mind ur own business.

"Dude...Go get laid!"

...& how? Excuse Me... are you in the business? :D

Fun with e=mc^2

2007-01-13T13:23:00.000+05:30

Here's the powerpoint I made for My talk Today. The title is apparently clear and I hope the point is too after you go through it :) You are free to use it properly.

Thanx: Michael Chabin for idea inputs.

Tere Bin

2007-01-07T16:08:00.000+05:30

When my head was filled with thoughts of you.
hen my heart's emotions were meant only for you.
I'd crave you in the darkness & in light.
'd close my eyes and whisper goodnight.
The dawn brought the first thoughts - of you.
he rest of the day i was blind to any view.
How could it be?
ow could there be such times
when you invaded my life, my weaknesses, my dreams...?
OUrs were the words i heard
rs were the words i wrote
The touch I imagined I felt
he sights I could still see
Y were in my arms when she held me...
O made me want to become someone else.
U became the someone i'd never give a name.
are unplugged now.

I'm letting you go coz its better to be alone at the edge of my Blue world. But i'm just across the shadows if you want to reach out.

Inspired by my new desktop configuration I call - "Tere Bin". Have a look...

Happy New Whatever...

2007-01-05T02:59:00.001+05:30

To hell with the world where I am not expected to be what I am.
I am better unplugged.

What good is wishing someone when it has no effect? Do we do it just to matter to people or say that they matter to us? Is that in fact a good way to serve the purpose?

I remember my collection of greeting cards way back in school. I'd buy mine with such diligence and make each special for the friend it was meant for. Only to get back one of their cards they had bought in a lot! I still treasured them to console myself that atleast there was one for me.

Now I dont need to wish my real friends. In fact many a times we have great times without even needing to say hi! Dudes you are the best... & the only thing I wish for you and me is to find more such pals if we ever get lost.

So I am forfieting wishing anyone and everyone "A Happy New...whatever" as far as I can... If you have not been wished, then either you know your status or its upto you to find out, via better ways, if you matter or not!

Chaas

2006-12-24T00:05:00.000+05:30

As usual I'd woken up, just in time to brush, bath and have milk before I had to go. It was a tuesday! [19th Dec... & ya i ve become a baby again... have milk in the morning and evening :D]

Before I get out of the house everyday, I convince myself that I am living this day because there is some work expected of me. If not, then life would probably be over. Its a good positive thought to think making whatever we do seem worthwhile. Its not everyday that we do great feats but the thought prepares you for them without making you expect them. I also keep just enough time at hands so as to be able to do most jobs but not get lost in thoughts that I wanna keep away from.

The village was Wada, in the Khed Taluka.

So I got out and finished work like arranging things, loading the car, checking my list of things before I go etc. and got on the way. This time the route was not the same as the one I ve been taking every tuesday for the last few months. So I somehow was apprehensive about it. But it seemed that the road was better and there were equally nice village scenes on this route. Only the IUCAA telescope wasn't visible so it was kinda not in our present propaganda to go to this village. Well I myself was interested only in sharing my knowledge with the kids. But I look out for our purpose too.

This day was no different... and the perk I got for doing my work properly was that I got to see a water reservior created by the Chaas Kaman dam. It is in the same taluka that I was going to. It was an amazing sight. Like one of those pictures of lakes/loches in europe... only closer [~60km]. & it was a bright early morning sunshine. The colours and atmosphere was just there to behold and absorb. I have taken some fotos with another guy's mobile camera [links coming soon]... but they cannot capture what the minds eye keeps.

In contrast to the quaint maharastrian villages that we were passing through, we were Suddenly on the side of a sort of a valley. There were yellow and green fields growing right upto the water's edge. The village huts with their roofs & courtyards, gave a nice contrast. The simple people around were busy feeding their cows, tending to their daily washing, bathing, basking in the sun etc. :) it was so tempting to just get down there and go sit by the water's edge.

But no I had to go on. I reached the village early and the school was yet to start. unlike the casual city people here, the villagers always treat a guest very specially. more often than not, I get to share the stage with the Principal at the daily assembly. This is a special event and I dont know if its done in other countries. Everyday, kids stand in queues in the ground in front of the school. Its nice to get in the Sun these chilly days :) Everybody has to strictly stand in a line at attention position. Then at one go they all start the one song that is dear to every Indian heart... jana gana mana - the national anthem. Without inhibitions everyone just sings out loud & its a high feeling to have it echoing from all directions in such magnitude. This is followed by the loud reiteration of an oath to the school and the nation and then a prayer. This again I welcome as its not just moral education but also a great breathing exercise for everyone!

This school also had a 15 minute special programme in which everyday 6 chosen children prepare small informative material to read out to the assembly... Things like - details of the day including sunrise & set times, moon phase etc., news headlines of the day, general knowledge questions of the day, thought for the day, a short story of the day etc. I can see how inhibited they are to go on stage and how they go through their collected material hurriedly. But its fun to realise how hard the kid's heart must be beating at such a public appearance & due to his responsibilty. I was lucky to be at this school where kids are taught self-confidence and pride for the nation before starting their routines.

But i never realised that all the 400-500 kids who were sitting there on the ground before me, [as I spoke my words of the guest of honour :D] would soon be packed into the nearby hall. I had to show them a glimpse of the universe and how astronomy & science as a whole is simply learning through observations of nature. Well its now almost in my veins how to do it & I fumble much less with the local Marathi. I probably tortured the kids with my science jokes in the next 2-3 hours but some faces said I'd done my job well. :)

And then we left tired and hungry. around the hill & the lake was back at the turn! [I'm making it seem so important coz it was an imprssive sight] In the afternoon, all was quiet and there was a small farm by its side. I walked past it, through a field and got to the shore and plomped down. There were some migratory birds there already! I cant express it but there was something very relaxing abt the place.

Your mind's voice lost focus to the sound of the waves and the birds.
The Sun was gently caressing my back with its warm hands.
My hair flowed as if the wind had fingers.
There was a certain tingle in my backbone as if the Earth was reaching up into my brain.
The water poured into my ears with its lapping sound.
The hunger, the pain in my throat just disappeared.
If i'd died at that moment i would have been very unhappy.
It was filling me with Life.

Bored minds & shades of Gray

2006-12-17T23:02:00.000+05:30

What do you think when u see two guys in black, running around odd places with black bags and peering through something while contorting into queer positions? Well stop your dirty mind right now. & if you have time to pause and notice them then you shouldnt think, just join them. They would be Me and Sumit [or Amit if I'm lucky] doing some photography.

Last 2 Sundays we have been out to kill the boredom on our mind. The first sunday was a gray mood. It was interesting coz the noon did seem to be of a sepia flavour. It was so lazy one could almost touch the rust on the air. See I am still confusing what senses I was using! So we went to the railway lines besides Koregaon park. & clicked various shades of gray.

The rails were gray, the wood was brown, the trains was rusty, the grass was ochre, the pigeons were ash and the ravens were Black! Check below for pics I could catch and explore my mind for those I didnt. Sumit came up with some of them. We still have some BW film at our disposal... lets see what lies in its future.

Somehow gray always reminds me of Jim and Della & the The Gift of the Magi by O'Henry.

Della finished her cry and attended to her cheeks with the powder rag. She stood by the window and looked out dully at a grey cat walking a grey fence in a grey backyard. To-morrow would be Christmas Day, and she had only $1.87 with which to buy Jim a present.

And so does christmas. Here's wishing you all who can afford to have a good one, a good one!

More Pics:
gray01 >> gray02 >> gray03 >> gray04 >> gray05 >> gray06

Update: Sumit too likes to endorse his world through the lens of a camera!
Visit his Flickr page.

My Sun

2006-12-11T23:34:00.001+05:30

I see the Sun go down. Those monotonous hues crowd the sky again in a last ditch effort to mask its real darkness. But, how long? The millions of distant Suns can't be kept back. Neither can I. I am close to the Sun.

This is My place. I can be high or low here. Here I depend only on Myself. I know the window gives me an exaggerated view, but, it makes me feel great. They can't come in here and mess it up. They think They are diminutive, trivial, Their deeds insignificant. I've done my part amongst Them. They need to learn, but Their chance is almost gone. I lean back as I am close to the Sun.

She will not have to cry anymore. She will no longer have to defend me. She will not love me, nor will She hate me. She will not entice me. She will not break my heart. She will not ignore me. She will not mock me. She won't whisper softly to me, nor will She call out my name. She will no longer run Her hands through my hair. She will not find me funny anymore. She will stop waiting for Her wedding ring. She will never again hug me. How will She Punish me? She will cease to remember me. I am closer to the Sun.

He will not share my joys and sorrows. He will not borrow from me my possesions, my moments, my knowledge. He already can't inspire me, but, He will also not drive me jealous. I will no longer fear Him. He will not always be right. I will not sacrifice for Him. No longer will He be excused for shattering the best of my dreams. He won't break His promises anymore. He will not remain the Manlier one. He will not crave for Fame & Fortune. He will no longer need to grow a Brain or a Backbone. The Sun is closer than ever.

I hear Them say - "Unidentified aircraft...Your approach to the Fusion Facility is unauthorized. You may be treated as a threat." I depress the glowing switch that says 'Armed'. On its course, the silver sliver slices the night as perfectly as I prefer. I head West. I see their Sun again. But, behind me, My Sun rises on the obliteration of obnoxious oblivion. Soon, I exist alone and I alone exist!

This is an old piece I'd written and it somehow still has the same feelings involved in it. Today I made a different Sun for Myself. The pic above is not the real Sun but something I made in Photoshop [PS]!!! PS is an amazing tool for which I have to keep coming back to M$Windows. I was wondering how difficult it is to make the images that an illustrator I'm working with, is making. And I could do it in 7 steps only!!! And I convinced someone who knows the Sun very well, to believe that it was a photograph!! I consider that a feat. :)

The second reason for this post is that I have just become a part of the outreach program for The International Heliophysical Year. The year 2007 is slated as the year to build up public knowledge about how Solar physics interacts with Geophysics. [In simple words... how the Sun affects us in important ways we are not aware of!]

I've SINned

2006-12-08T04:02:00.000+05:30

...Many times... ;) But meet my latest SIN...

It was a long (thought) process before I arrived at a perfect name for her. Ignis Noctiva. Its a fabrication which hints to her being "one who sets the Night afire". [Also rhymes with her make - Honda Activa!] But latin is wasted on most around me. So I shortened Sam's Ignis Noctiva to a more comprehensible & in-your-face - SIN.

SIN has the colour of the Night & not the geny-Grey as I'd planned to buy her in. Black looked ooooh so Swank... cudn't go for the classless grey! & people will always underestimate my 'Black' fixation ;) The wait was so long that I bought riding glasses & gloves even before I got her!

On our first long ride, the night was dark, slow & lovely... and the crisp, romantic chill had stepped into the fragrant evenings here. Took my guitar along too but didn't find a place where people wouldnt kill me for the noise!

The second ride was a pain-in-the-neck [literally] coz of our Roads in Pune. But even at less that 50kmph, I can declare that its more fun than watching Dhoom 2! :D On holidays its great to ride around Pune and to places nearby... & at night SIN rules the roads. She is over the 1000 Km mark now having given me a good pleasurage. :)

SIN is also being dubbed as my first materialistic indulgence after I got employment! Well... I dont see a need to prove anyone right or wrong... But I do hope I get to fulfil all that I have vaguely imagined doing with her some time or the other. ;)

PS: Sonali, Thanks for being there at the 1000 mark :) [& the 2000 mark too!]

More Pics:
sin01 >> sin02 >> sin03 >> sin04

Classy Dogs

2006-12-05T22:25:00.002+05:30

One who has a wife and still goes around sniffing other cunts is a dog!
Furthermore, the ones who can afford their game, are good at it, have loads of experience - enough to have attractive traits of lowliness, are Classy Dogs. Though Numb to their roots, they are nowhere near Dumb. They are progressive, open-minded, mature!

I cannot accept any argument of their wife not being fun enough. Or of the working wife not having time. Either one is comfortable with it or is out of it. Its You who chose her. Can a fling ever increase her attraction quotient? If you are bored of her - break the marriage... or go give some business to the whores!

Its very convenient to cheat on the wife & profess the importance of marriage. What purpose is served by showing off a happy marriage when you dont have one? Oh yes... It attracts other nubile girls leaving the worthy immature guys horny... that is until these guys too succumb to pressure and get into such an arrangement... or go do some stupid act of lust or love.

I support the growing number of 'live-in'ers than these two-faced skirt chasers. Just like the blood-mongering generals, they are very hard to uproot from the society. This growing force of wanton antediluvian Cowards hides not behind walls but behind relationships and reasoning... & they live to get medals!

To top it all, they make MY life difficult. Call it sour grapes, but they and the society they make up - SUCK. I'm happy being a kiddish flirty bachelor... period.

PS: All this applies to the Classy Bitches too.
And I mean no insult to those animals that are fed and loved more than the humans they sometimes share the pavement with.

"Love it or Leave it!"

2006-12-01T00:08:00.001+05:30

Thats the graffiti on the wall of my bachelor's pad
The same applies for this place! This is my uninhibited SHOW OFF blog. I take pains for this and I'm sure you will like the stuff here. But if you dont, then ciao... you belong to another world.

Being noticed can be a burden. Jesus got himself crucified because he got himself noticed. So I disappear a lot.
Bob Dylan

But when I reappear, its gonna be in style ... So people keep watching out for all the swanky things here.

By the way... I usually pretend to know what I'm talking about so people will think better of me. Dont make too much of it all... Go do anything better with your Life that you might be keeping aside.